I'm back from a visit to my older son and his wife, who are one month away from their baby due date. I felt my daughter-in-law was very tactful about wanting a doula instead of either her mother or I. I supported her, because my mother was never present at any of my births, and both mother-in-laws were uninvolved completely. The minute I came home from the hospital I wanted my mother right there, and that is what my daughter-in-law is doing. I'm taking the shift until a certain date, then her mother flies out for three weeks. After that I'm sure I'll be there to help out whenever asked.
My daughter-in-law is very calm and collected, and she will be great through the labor and delivery, especially with the doula right with her. I appreciate the way she thinks of my feelings and includes me in the preparations. We shopped for slippers for the hospital, the baby list from the medical people, and chatted a bit about being fluid about what kind of birth or medication she wants. She knows anything can happen, and is not rigid about scenarios. While we were talking a friend who's son and daughter-in-law were due at the same time called and her blood pressure had spiked and they did an emergency C section. Mother and baby are fine, and he's still 5lbs 10 oz even though he's a month early. So we had an object lesson in flexibility first hand.
I'm touched to be a part of this process of life giving and new family. I hope my support is helpful and well chosen. I want to be the best mother-in-law I can be.
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