I've been thinking recently of all the speech one ought to keep to oneself. Yesterday, my husband was complaining about this and that, all trivial, and I stopped him and asked if he'd wanted to go out to brunch so he could list all the things he's dissatisfied about. I told him if that was the case then I was getting up and walking home. Some speech needs to be kept private, or censored and if he thought I was the dumping ground for bad thoughts I did not want to be quite that convenient. I believe in courtesy even between spouses. I do not want or need to know ALL his thoughts. Speech between spouses can get pretty sloppy, but after all, what better practice field than showing respect and caution about what one says aloud?
This pouring out of raw data to spouses is dangerous, because it leaves the other stuck with the words and his/her reactions to those thoughts often better not spoken. The idea that "we two become one" is a catastrophe. You're still separate individuals who need to keep up the etiquette even more carefully than with anyone else, if you're serious about a life long commitment. The eroding of respect for each other is often followed by decrease in fondness. So take care with those you love the best: they are no dumping ground for impulsive and unwise feelings and thoughts. Keep some stuff to yourself or write it down and burn it. Otherwise you risk your relationship over a bit of carelessness.
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