Wandering Along the Path: RIght Speech

I really resisted saying "I love you" back to my parents when I was growing up.  I'm guessing I was a bit stuffy, hating hypocrisy and wanting to be completely truthful.  That was back when I believed I could determine what complete truth was.  So I didn't like feeling forced to respond in the devoted child manner if I wasn't "feeling it" as they say.  Sometimes I loved my parents, sometimes not so much.  I wanted to be free to say I loved them when I felt the need arise, though who knows if the need would ever have actually arisen.  I knew darned well my parents loved me, it was a given.  I knew I loved them.  Why get all gushy?

There may be heavy convoluted psychology at the bottom of my stubbornness, like resenting my father's frequent travels or my mother's crystal clear disappointment in my looks and popularity, but frankly, I don't think I was that deep.  I was wide and shallow.  I didn't want to be forced to vow my devotion.  I was my own girl.  This made them determined to bend me to their will.  And I bent, responding back I loved them, but not feeling it at all, in fact, feeling angry and trapped.

Is right speech not harming the hearer or the genuineness of the speaker?  Hummm.  I clearly didn't want to hurt my parents' feelings, and who knows?  Maybe I needed to verbally affirm my love.  I may even be a better person for it.  But just in case, I'm mighty stingy to people whom I love with the "I love you" refrain.   I don't want them to feel bushwacked, as I did.  I want them to know I perfectly understand they might not be thinking warm fuzzy thoughts about me at that moment.  And that's normal. 

Now with my husband, if he asks me, "Do you love me?" I'm as liable to answer, "not right this moment" or "I was feeling that way yesterday when you took out the trash" as to murmur sentimental love words.  He's used to it, and it doesn't seem to faze him.  He knows I'm quirky and probably has his own theories on my excessive honesty.  Wisely, he keeps them to himself.

To say I love you or not to say I love you:  that is the question.  Is right speech about honesty or not harming?  I'd have to go with my inner child.  I love you, too.