Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

There are limits to words, and it's wise to understand when I'm speaking in language, when hold a hand or a hug or just sitting with a friend is the kindest, least harmful choice.  Over my life, I've witnessed people avoiding a bereaved person or someone with an illness because they couldn't think of what to say.  If they've asked me, I usually say something like:  "Don't say anything.  Just your presence is enough".  What I don't add, is your absence is speech.  Recently, a friend was in a coma for a number of weeks, she's better now, thank goodness, and many of her friends understood that their presence was a body/atmospheric comfort.  I believe their sensitivity helped her heal.

Sometimes I avoid speaking because I don't want to be false, but the truth would be harmful.  I know that sounds like minding someone else's mindstream, but noticing manic behavior in a biopolar person is not my business, and I only verbally observe if requested by the person.  And then I tiptoe gently, saying something like, "Well, you are talking fast, it seems".

A long time ago a dear friend's child when she went away to college, contacted me after many years, and I did not write back.  Why?  Because I knew better than anyone else the circumstances of her mother's suicide, and it would shed a negative light on her father.  Her father had deliberately broken contact, because I was the one person who knew what really happened.  Why stir up a world of hurt?  She was raised by that father and her stepmother, and I felt like the truth was better left to the father, and if he chose not to admit his culpability, I was not going to be deluded into being the sword of justice.  You could suggest I connect but refuse to answer questions about her mother, but I don't think that would be accepted, and I cannot lie about this.  It's a deep well of grief for me that her husband didn't protect her, and I don't trust myself with the decision to not speak if I were around the daughter.  I backed away from being a source of information.  It still haunts me, but I don't regret not writing her.  That whole incident is beyond words for me.  I cannot imagine a way to not harm her, but not writing back is to my assessment, the least harm.