Last night I had a pleasant evening with an older friend who, in my experience, can be difficult and pushy. But she was great this time, and no nosey questions or prying. I have a pattern with her: when she gets rude and pushy, I don't return her calls for a few months. When next we connect, she is the self I enjoy, and we can be amiable old friends. This time, I wonder if a recent trauma on her part occasioned this relaxation. She has a lifelong friend, with whom she went to many concerts, plays and events, who suddenly became sick and within a week was dead, without being able to say goodbye to family or friends. It was quite a shock, and perhaps she's taken stock of her behavior and is also looking for new companions for her adventures.
I don't say this cynically. This is how we humans operate. We take people and things for granted, then a surprising event occurs, and we "wake up". I don't feel superior in any way to her. I see her clearly, and handle our relationship in a way that makes me feel my boundaries are being upheld and the pleasure in her company outweighs her sometimes foraging into private territory of mine. It's a dance. We both know the rules, and if my feet get stepped on too many times, I sit out for a while. But I'm usually willing to pop back up and try another tune. Everything changes. You don't write someone off unless they are genuinely harmful. And this person means well. Somewhere along the line boundaries were not part of her learning curve. That's okay. I can make sure mine are in place.
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