It was my turn to facilitate our writing group last night, and I'd emailed the agenda, and thought I HAD IT ALL UNDER CONTROL, and then one of our members didn't want to go along with a plan and I saw all this junk arise in my mind: she doesn't like me, she's angry, she is going to back out, she will quit the group and so will everyone else, oh my god. As we all listened to her objections, I flashed on me as a bulldozer, a shiny red one, an image which I don't find flattering. We ended up working out a better understanding of the plan, and are going to revisit it next week when we meet, but for me it was a wake up call:
I am in control of nothing.
Things that seem easy to me might be terrifying to others and vice versa.
I want to be liked, but disagreement doesn't mean I'm not liked. Everybody's different.
If I can't persuade others to my plan, I need to proceed on my own.
I'm often not as persuasive as I imagine.
Listen much, much more than talk.
The plan doesn't really matter, it's just an idea. No doubt something better will come along.
Ah, the mind. The ego. The delusion. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME.
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