There seems to be a kind of freer speech floating around in films right now on the subject of grandparents. First I saw "Grandma", which has not a cosy, loveable grandma, but Lily Tomlin as a nasty, wisecracking, break all the rules grandma. Her life has been a minefield, and she has hurt a lot of people blasting her way to her own personal drummer. And yesterday, we saw "The Visit", where Shymalayan turns every cliche about grandparents up-side-down and brings us the grandparents from hell. With references to Little Red Riding Hood and Hansel and Gretel, he reminds us that crones are terrifying, especially to children. The act of a mother entrusting her children to her parents becomes child abuse. The director/writer has a lot of fun with the horrors of age as seen through a child's eyes: crepey skin, incontinence, odd behaviors and the mysteries of old people. I was not offended. I remembered clearly how I felt when I was a child around my grandparents. I loved them, but their skin, their breath, their funny ancient ways!
For the first time, I thought about how being handed over by your parents to your grandparents for a visit can seem terrifying, and this is just when the grandparents adore you and want you to feel safe and loved. Their house, their rules. Too early bedtime perhaps, no nightlight because you are a big girl now, hating the food they put on your plate, wanting to watch TV. It's disorienting, and your parents are where?
As a grandparent, I welcome the breakage of the myth of cuddly grandparents. There are as many types of grandparents as parents, and we welcome being fully humanized. It's a lot of pressure baking cakes and wearing an apron and humming while you knit. Sometimes we'd rather be dancing to rock and roll with our grandkids, and screaming on scary rides at the boardwalk.
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