I had an almost panic attack at Trader Joe's yesterday afternoon. I thought something was off about my eye I just had the injection in, and I had to force myself to calm down and get through the shopping. The threat of losing one's sight is pretty terrifying. I seldom face it head on, but the exam, then the discovery of the bleed and then the injection have got my vision front and center. "Don't know" is a good mantra to have in my situation, well, in anyone's situation. I know I can worry my head off about one thing and another takes me by surprise. I know I'm lucky my good eye is still holding. I know I can fly and take the two trips I've been looking forward to. But at the store, the last few days just hit me, and last night I hardly slept.
I'm honest about myself. Fear is my unwitting buddy. Loss of vision for a writer and lover of art is scary, but the worst is probably not recognizing faces. All I have to do is close my good eye to see my future. My friend has already had both eyes fail. She's brave and funny, but it's so hard. But there are worse battles than eyesight. Loss is around the corner at my age, and never far from my mind. "Don't know" is actually comforting.
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