I had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon with a friend who is "difficult". She has many admirable qualities, but can be quite negative and critical. She attempts, consciously or unconsciously, to worm information out of me. She wants to know if I've had a social event and not included her, and perhaps included someone she has a vendetta against. She wanted to know about a mutual friend yesterday and also if I would admit to her I'd had a book launch to which she was not invited. I played stupid. I said a couple of positive things about the mutual friend and then suggested she call for more information. She sternly said, "She'll have to call me." I did not mention the event. I switched subjects. Now this person is in her mid eighties, is not going to change, and she may have many reasons for bitterness. I am mostly able to navigate the choppy waters of conversation with her, and without gossiping and feeling terriible after. She doesn't bully me as she does others, because then I stay incommunicato for a few months. I can't be guilt tripped into doing something with her. It has to be convenient for me as well. But she bullies some of my friends, and her anger management problem is substantial.
It's challenging keeping contact with a long time friend like this, but it's also been a great learning experience. I've learned to take care of myself, and also not to feel guilty that I don't share that much of my life with her. She's not safe. She would be stunned to hear me say it, but that's the way I feel. All my guardrails are up and running around her. But guardrails are a good protection; they keep you from falling down a cliff.
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