I haven't had any speaking practice this weekend. My husband is at the cabin with the dogs, and I have kept to myself, a rare opportunity for me. I would pick up the phone if a friend called, and probably agree to some social suggestion, but no one has, which I take as a sign that I need this breathing space. I've seldom been alone in my life, as I married young and had kids quickly, and I enjoy a break from society occasionally. But I especialy need space away from my husband, as now he has been retired for three years and he doesn't go out except with me or to walk the dogs. He'll figure out something more meaningful to do with his time eventually, but I am forced to leave the house to get space, and right now, having the house to myself is nice. I'm not doing anything in particular, just letting my mind rest from engagement with others.
I don't feel lonely, because I grew up left to my own devices mostly. I could walk in the woods for hours, bicycle to the river ten miles away and back, read in my room with the door closed once I had my own room at twelve, and generally figure out how to entertain myself. That background has stood me in good stead, because I'm not afraid of my thoughts, or even of strong feelings, when they come. Everything changes. I didn't need a Buddhist practice to accept that fact. I knew it from my own experience moving a lot as a child, having my father gone quite a bit, being deposited with relatives in the midwest, and having a mother who was busy with sewing projects and social activities galore. I did have breathing space in my family, whereas my husband did not. So are needs are different. He's learned to get more comfortable by himself, and I have mastered how to be more comfortable with others.
So this weekend, my right speech is what I tell myself, about myself, and how forgiving I am for my not making plans or "getting things done" or calling people I haven't spoken to in a while. I'm being kindly to myself.
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