I wonder about my language sometimes with my husband. He is very defensive at times, and I respond by telling him to cut the crap. It does not sound very nice, but then he stops, gathers himself and admits he's attempting to throw up smokescreens to obscure his guilt about not having tackled something we agreed upon. What's the good of having been married over forty years if you cannot stop the record without listening to a tune you've heard so very often? He knows he's doing it, but hasn't the will to stop himself. I feel I have the right to say I don't want to listen to his self-defense, because I'm not the enemy. I don't label him or analyze him, but I'm not going to willingly be part of an age old pattern.
When I opt out, I don't get angry at him. I've decided the marriage contract did not include game playing, and I can choose to give myself a time out from listening. He sometimes gives himself a time out before he begins his list of complaints. That's best. But when he goes on automatic, I halt the process, because it will net us nothing but grief. In a weird way, I feel I'm being kind to both of us. I jump out of the rut, and then he does as well.
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