Righteousness is the enemy of my right speech. When it rises, I know I'm being judgmental, and what follows is me posing for me. So when someone is gossipy, or snoopy, I no longer make some statement like: "I prefer not to talk about that" or "Let's not go there". I just change the subject abruptly. I'm sure people think I'm weird, but I ask them something about themselves, and usually that is irresistable. I do not get on my high horse, or even on my pony.
Last night I did it so quickly I think the other person didn't notice. I'm thinking: I'm not going to jump in that pool, and then I switched to a question about a visit she'd had, and then we got on recipes. Now, food is always a good subject. I also ask about the kids, how a volunteer job is going, that kind of thing. But what I am really doing is avoiding temptation. I like to gossip as much as the next gal, and I was raised by a master, my mother. It's quicksand for me. So I'm not judging the other person, but rather guiding myself to the far shore. What happens when I indulge? I feel terrible later. This I know. I have regrets. I look in the mirror and don't like myself.
Not to say I don't listen to a friend's fears and anxieties. I just don't analyze so much any more. I miss it, because while I'm doing it, it makes me feel superior, but then it feels crappy. After all the years of analyzing literature as a professor, I miss taking texts apart. But a person is not a book, and I am definitely not a reader. My new mantra is that people are too complex, and simplifying is insulting. Summation is idiotic, when it comes to other people. Now I prefer to admire how a person can be many contradictory things and is also constantly changing. So I'd rather give an appreciation of another person, not a reduction. I'm on safer ground.
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