Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I picked up a friend for an event and when she got in the car she didn't buckle her seat belt so I said, "I'm waiting for you to buckle your belt".  She did, but told me she never buckles her belt when she's a passenger.  I was startled, but we went on to the event, and then when we got back in the car afterward to return home she again didn't buckle.  So I said, "Would you please buckle up?"  She turned toward me angrily and said since it was my car she would, but she never did otherwise.  I said I was surprised.  I had never had a person not buckle up.  That made her really mad.  I replied that I really just meant surprised.  I was not judging her.  I added, it's against the law, and I'm responsible for you, and I've seen people after accidents who had on the belt, and they were pretty banged up.  I reminded her her head would go through the windshield otherwise.

She calmed down, but said people were always telling her to put a helmet on when she biked as well, and she never did.  She reiterated that she only was wearing the seat belt because I insisted.

I was beyond surprise by this point and we changed the subject to lessen the tension.  When I returned home after dropping her off, and related what had occurred to my husband he quickly looked online for California law, and sure enough, every passenger in the car by law must wear a seat belt, and if not, they can be fined.  They need a medical excuse not to comply.

So what happened?  I was friendly and easy both times I requested she buckle up, and had no idea it was a hot button issue for her.  I clarified what I had meant by the word "surprise".  I also feel pretty certain I was not judging her; I simply thought she had spaced out buckling up.  But now, privately, I'm in a still greater state of surprise, because clearly something else is going on with her beyond being a rebel with or without a cause.  I'm curious, but not enough to bring up the subject again and receive that flash of fury from her.  What she said gave me information, and what she didn't say gave me still more.  I won't be so relaxed around her next time, or so accommodating about being the driver.  I don't wish to be driving Yosemite Sam around town.