I have a practice that I've not mentioned to anyone, including my teachers. Whenever I am eating out I say thank you to the waiter and the busperson every time they fill my water glass or bring me something. It's an invisible practice, almost, and I haven't noticed a reaction in the servers. What did happen, over time, was that my husband began thanking them as well. We are so polite it probably would look funny to any observer. Why do it? As an acknowledgement of their hard work, low pay, and also so they understand they are not invisible to us.
I have not spoken of this to my husband. I simply noticed the last few times we went out that I have inadvertently trained him. It's automatic now for both of us.
When I was in college I worked as a waitress at an all-you-can-eat restaurant. A few months of that job sensitized me to the slings and arrows of such work. I know a waitperson may be a PhD, a college student, a single mom with two toddlers, an older person desperate for income. These are real people, not slaves or servants. When they do their job well it's an art. They don't get much recognition or gratitude. They often don't have health benefits or pensions or any parachute. My sister-in-law, with an MA, was recently fired from her waitressing job after thirty years. She teaches some classes in acting, and has occasional work in the theater, and luckily, has a rent controlled apartment in Manhattan. She is 64 years old and looking for that part time job that can keep her afloat. She's a real, talented, funny, kind person.
Feeling gratitude for the food we eat involves those who grow it, harvest it, pack it, ship it, deliver it, sell it, and in the case of restaurants, serve it to us, without any labor on our parts. Thanking our servers acknowledges the debt we owe. And, of course, tipping helps even more.
Many LA restaurants have recently begun adding a 3% surcharge on all bills to cover health care costs for their employees.
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