I'm not sure what the key to Right Speech is. Maybe compassion, or empathy or wisdom. For me, the dharma teachings have guided and still guide me. But on my own, the practice of gratitude has been so helpful. A little over a year ago our older daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer. Fear threatened to swallow me up. A friend told me the antidote to fear is gratitude. Several days later, I was in a bookstore and noticed this little orange journal. It was a Gratitude journal, with promptings and space for a year of entries. I bought it, and placed it by my bedside table. Every night I wrote in it. Sometimes I had to sit a while until I found the moment in the day that I was genuinely grateful for. Sometimes I was grateful for big things: my daughter's chemo tolerance or a talk with my granddaughter. Sometimes it was the first bloom on the hydrangea bush or a really good curry at lunch.
Occasionally, the book would tell me to make a list of things I was grateful for, and I noticed I never had enough room on the page. I began thanking people in real life, and spontaneously telling them how much I appreciated a call, a card, having a walk together. I was practicing a new way of feeling and noticing. I stopped worrying about being appreciated back. I lavished as much thoughtfulness on strangers as on friends. If the opportunity arose to thank a person, I seized it. Every time I did so, I felt just that little bit better.
Having access to gratitude has encouraged the right motivation for speaking and affirmed my connection to others. I don't have a habit of speaking of my gratitude, because that would be insincere. I wait until the feeling arises in me and speak the feeling of the moment. I encourage that feeling by the journal practice, and at this point, as I'm on my second journal, I see the world differently, so the feeling comes up easily and spontaneously. And for that, I am infinitely grateful.
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