Wndering Along the Path: Right Speech

My hospitalized friend called last night triumphantly with great news:  her gastric tube is out.  I was in the middle of being upset that our dog had chewed her but bloody, after wearing a cone for two weeks and healing another spot.  It was our two dogs' 10th birthdays, and I was furious with them, and then the call. 

What saved me from moaning about the dogs was that I listened to the happiness in her voice, and felt immediately how touched I was that she had called to share her joy.  Sharing joy is right speech in the highest sense.  We often get into the habit of communicating in crisis, where we feel justified in "bothering" a friend.  Can we call without a "good reason" and feel fine saying,  "I just wanted to talk with you" ?  That is a pretty vulnerable statement.  For myself, I feel closer to the friends and family who can call for no reason.  They were thinking of me, and the action they took puts some heart behind it.

This is very old fashioned in our current world.  A friend emailed me that she had been reading this blog and was struck with how we hide ourselves behind the veils of email, texting and tweets.  We keep it short and generic, you can't hear a quiver in our voice, so we can be glib or curt.  And you have to respond inside the same straightjacket.  None of us knows what this "means", but we are in transition to written speech, something that can be edited, deleted and without the body involved at all.  Yet our bodies and voices allow us to speak from the heart-mind, rather than cerebrally.  Does this impair our connection to others?  I don't have the answer. 

In the past, I've trusted that the risk of talking in the same room with a person is worth it, because I learn so much from the conversation about myself and the other.  I goof up and have to apologize.  I misspeak and correct myself at the time or later, so that I'm as clear as I want to be.  I can ask questions freely, and pause to really listen to the answers.  I get to brain storm and free flow ideas, without commitment, and find out what I really think.  I'm able to pay attention to the tone of voice, the body language, the eye contact.  This is important information.  A thumbs up or smiley face is no substitute.  Texting is truly helpful, but I'm not certain I think it is speech.