Filtering. Sometimes I believe this is the key to right speech. All kinds of thoughts pop into my head, and many of those could be harmful if spoken aloud. Worries are natural, but express them to your grown kids and you worry them, and seem to make them responsible to put things right. A lot of what happens to us cannot be put right, it can only be faced. Anger is best never vocalized and if examined privately can be uncovered as fear and tackled as what it truly is. I try to watch my thoughts, let them flow by, and carefully consider what needs to be expressed aloud, then search for right words.
If I filter, the water is pure and clean, ready to drink and be absorbed. If I don't, the words hurt and leave me with regret. So what about spontaneity? The more I practice right speech, the better the chances that what escapes with exuberance and anger is more a reflection from my point of view, rather than any indictment of another. So I may, "I'm so thrilled, this means the world to me", but I'm not saying you need to line up with my feelings. They are all my own. And blurting out, "I feel so angry about the rudeness of that person" doesn't not result in name calling or attacking the person.
Skills. I'm honing skills for my life among others. I'm seeing results, but also a lot of struggle at times. If I talk about myself, I do less harm. If I talk about others, I'm in tricky territory.
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