A cousin of mine wrote me when my brother died. I'd stayed with her, her siblings and my aunt and uncle sometimes when I was a kid. As an adult, I had only seen her a couple of times briefly when I was back there, the last time at a cousin's daughter's wedding. I appreciated the note. A few months later she emailed me, and I emailed back. Then she called. I talked a bit but had to leave for a doctor's appointment. I said I'd call in a day or two, but then I thought over our conversations. There was a great deal of medical talk about herself and her husband. She wanted to describe selling her mother's house and how her sister took all the furniture. It was too much information about someone I'd seen a few times as a kid. So I changed my mind and wrote an email where I wished her good luck with the health issues, and detailed my plans for my summer, and didn't encourage a lot of back and forth.
Maybe she is lonely and for sure the health issues are depressing, and I won't cut off communication. But I used to support an aunt for a few years, and I'm somewhat suspicious that this cousin would like monetary support. I can't do that. I'm retired, I have a big family, and I have tons of relatives in the Midwest. I'm not beholden to any of them, and neither were my parents. Yet they were generous and I have been generous, for my dearest aunt now deceased and two cousins who have been close to me right along.
It's hard to read between the lines or know her motivation. She sees a kinship between us, and she lost brother several years ago. She still has a sister and another brother. I know she is a good person. But she's far away and fifty some years have gone by since we were teenagers and I looked up to her and her sister. I don't feel intimate or like relating my private feelings and life. I have other people for that. I'll try to email again mid-summer. Check on her health. But for now I'm backing off.
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