I've just finished listening to Anam Thubten's live broadcast. I was going to drive there but the time change and a late night got to me. His words inspire and uphold me. He was speaking this morning about our natural desire for existence and fear of death. He described a universe where everything wishes to live, and to me that image is so uplifting. Yes, we value our mortal lives. When we don't, as in the case of my brother, it is a kind of perversion of life force. Our spirit becomes so wounded we see ahead only suffering. It was my brother's choice to die at the moment he did, but it was not who he was. He was a life force, funny, interested in so many things, curious and loving. I don't know how he traveled so far from himself, but I believe he was mentally wounded, and not his true nature, but his sickness of some sort, estranged him from himself and his Buddha nature. I'm so sad about that, but not responsible. He always had my love and knew it. But he needed self love, and somehow he lost it.
I appreciate every moment here on earth, including the birds chattering outside right now, the challenges I face getting older, the inevitable death that could come swiftly or slowly. I treasure right now. And I'm treasuring it for my brother as well. Because he's in my heart.
Last night we went to a concert with pianist Murray Perriera. He was glorious, and the music sublime. He played Bach, Hayden, Beethoven, Franck and Chopin. It felt to me like he was expressing life force and the beauty of our existence in this universe. His joy permeated the hall. Ode to Life the concert might have been called. I wish my brother could have heard it, as he loved music so much. I heard it for him.
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