Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today was a mostly silent lunch between my husband and I.  He slept poorly last night and was depressed.  He has been struggling with sleep and bad dreams for a while, but won't listen to advice to see his doctor or exercise or give up caffeine or any mundane suggestions from me.  He's in a slog and I think he believes it will pass, and it may, without him taking any action.  I see him suffering and fight the urge to "fix" the problem.  I know it's not my business, but I live with him, and his misery is difficult to witness.

I let there be silence while we were at the cafe, because my several attempts at talking about a movie or a book that just came out fell flat.  I'm more comfortable with silence than he is, because I meditate.  But I wanted to be anywhere but there with him, and I felt embarrassed that we were exposed in our difficulties.  It shouldn't matter, but I'm admitting I felt it.  Now I'm going to go to see the movie we were going to see together by myself.  I am not willing to stay in the house as if I had the flu.  All I can do is tell him I'm sorry he's exhausted and miserable.  That I have done.  I have no magic to cheer him up.  So I'm left to worry.  And neither one of us is getting any help.

I would speak up and ask for help, but he won't.  He doesn't think there is any help and I know there is, if only he would seek it.  Stalemate.

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