I listened to my Buddhist's teacher's dharma talk on "The Heart is the Medicine" and it felt so true and comforting. We get so caught up in our minds, but our minds are never going to free us from anxieties. Our minds are stuffed with thoughts, things people have said to us, and information that causes fear and tension. Our minds cannot get us out of the box we are in. I've been paying attention to my eye with the bleed, too much attention, until I've made myself almost crazy, and monitoring my weight and diet, as well as testing my blood sugar. It's of course good to be aware of my behavior and body, but right now I'm on overload, and it's freaking me out.
Anam Thubten suggests we listen to our heart, not our mind, and perhaps I need to listen to my heart about my body. I am taking good care of myself. I cannot control the eye disease, only trust in my doctor to take action when I need it. My weight is going down. My blood sugar is within control levels it should be. So what is happening? For one thing, I'm blaming myself and feeling guilty I have these health issues. Yes, I'm overweight, but when I began taking medication for Graves Disease many years ago I knew I would have a difficult time avoiding weight gain and diabetes and other problems. These problems are common and everyone has problems, and mine could be a lot worse. And it's my mind that jumps to catastrophe, and obcesses about garlic bread, not my heart. My heart knows I'm blessed. I have an amazing family and friends, and a great living situation.
My mind goes around like a rat in a cage. My heart calms the activity going on upstairs and reminds me how grateful I am for eye treatments, great doctors, excellent health insurance and support from everyone around me. My heart feels the love, and if I let it, will love me tender, as Elvis would say.
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