When I drop my foster granddaughter off after our afternoon together, her three year old sister makes sure she sees me and speaks to me. Yesterday she wanted to show me two Scooby Doo plastic figurines. Before it was her new basketball hoop and before that it was a doll. I've never taken her anywhere or included her in her sister's and my outings, but she wants that feeling of inclusion, and perhaps a bit of the attention her big sister receives from me. So I make a concerted effort to respond verbally to her and say her name, so that she's formally acknowledged. There is a seven year difference between the sisters, which means to the younger the older leads a glamorous, mysterious life.
I do bring the three year old little gifts sometimes and give her a modest birthday and Christmas present. It's hard to balance these things. My relationship is fundamentally with the older girl, but when she makes the effort to be sure and see me and say hi, then I want her to know I see her clearly. She's a little person in her own right. So if she has something to "show" me each week, I take special care to appreciate her. That's how it works.
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