I walked with a friend yesterday afternoon and she wanted to talk about a couple of things that were worrying her. Sounds innocent enough, but when we go down this road she usually gets mad at me. I listened, and then she asked me some questions and I told her to follow the advice of her therapist. She pressured me and I said yes, if that were my circumstance, I would be worried. Then she asked me what I would do. Loaded, and I knew it. I said I would get the whole family in the room and talk to the person and do an intervention. She wanted to know what an intervention was. I said that's where you tell the person you are deeply concerned, that the situation is serious, and you offer suggestions to help them. Maybe have the names of therapists or support groups, and you ask what you can do to help.
This made her furious. She wants to keep the elephant in the room hidden and not address its presence. I said, that was just what I would do if it were me. Be honest with the person instead of protecting them from seeing the harm being done. I said, but don't follow my advice, talk to your therapist.
She caught herself and apologised, but she wanted to leave me and head home. She said she couldn't deal with it anymore now. She practically ran away, except I said I was headed home her way and we talked about the flowers on the fruit trees and the weather.
I felt set up, but of course, it was unintentional on her part. She was hoping I was somebody different who would say its no biggie. I am not that person and she knows it. She is struggling with huge grief and dread and fear, and I feel only love for her. But if she asks what I think, I'm going to tell her. Protecting herself is not working. She is sinking. And as I said to her, my concern is for her welfare.
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