Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I am in a mood.  Phone calls with friends seem unsatisfying.  I don't feel the conversations are meaningful, and I'm sure that is partly if not entirely my fault.  Why?  Because I don't really say what is on my mind, and right now it feels like I have bones to pick with two or three of my friends.  They suggest meeting, but then put it off or pick a time inconvenient to me.  They want my support but can't seem to imagine I have the need for support as well.  On Monday, I declined going to a quilt group meeting, announced only the day before.  I feel pragmatically that I am just not in their league with quilting skills, and though I've attempted to articulate that, they persist in reassuring me that's fine.  What they can't seem to hear is it's discouraging for me.  I quilt less now that I've been in that group.  I can't face it.  Also, this is a group of three widows, myself and another woman who hasn't shown up in more than a year.  Somehow I feel I'm not in the club, because my husband is still here.  They can't see any issues I might have because - bottom line - I have a husband.  I've been sympathetic and supportive for years, but now I really don't want to feel guilty.  I don't belong in the group, because I feel excluded by circumstance and certainly by skillset. 

Another woman has taken support from me without really giving back, and after several years, it's feeling pretty hollow as a relationship.  Do I discuss this with her?  It didn't work out so well in the quilt group, so I'm hesitant to attempt to clear things up.

Another friend controls the when where how of our getting together.  I accept it, but not really, because I find myself resentful.

Yeah, I'm in a mood.  Mid winter blues?  Real or imaginary?  All I know to do is wait until I see the situations more clearly or an opportunity presents itself to discuss what's happening within these friendships.  Or I get less grumpy.  In the meantime, I spend time with my baby grandson and work on my endless list of tasks.  I'm really not fit company right now.  And I know it.