The friend did agree to video our daughter's wedding, and he was so sweet, so right speech, about it. He conveyed enthusiasm and immediate reassurance. He is a kind man. But I don't underestimate the thought I put into how I was going to ask him. And that I picked someone with a reasonable chance of accepting. I needed to get outside my own box and see what advantages and disadvantages doing the videoing would have for him.
If I can't see beyond my own needs, I'm in trouble with this asking of favors. If I can't notice I'm in tit for tat mode, then I will be surprised when the other person refuses. I want to give freely, not with strings attached. Boy oh boy is this part tricky. The payback mindset. I have been guilty, your honor, as charged.
Right speech includes right asking and right offering. Let the favor be freely given, and all's right with the world. Imagine yourself noble, and your friend bound by gratitude, and you find yourself in the quicksand of indignation and righteousness. I'm still a work in progress, perhaps never to be finished, but I'm trying, at least.
No comments:
Post a Comment