Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My Buddhist teacher has stated that the worst habit is comparing oneself with others.  Certainly, it is the road to wrong speech.  Several weeks ago neighbors stopped to talk to me and the lady stated that her daughter was getting married before mine, as if she had won a contest.  It disconcerted me, because I'd never imagined there was any competition between us, as she acts superior to me in every interaction.  I was surprised she'd bother to make a comparison, or think I would feel any envy or need to "win" over her in any way.  We rarely see each other, and she usually gives me orders, or tries to, when she speaks to me.  Was she more insecure than she appears?  I had a moment of compassion for her.  If she needs to one up me, she is terribly uncertain of herself.  So I lightly wished her daughter happiness and went on my way.

But it's not that simple.  She's a doctor, wealthy, with lots of achievements and prestige.  Perhaps I would have compared myself if I saw us as similar, but I just consider us having completely different values.  But it made me realize that a lot of the tall tales of my brother probably resulted from his being 2 3/4 years younger and wanting to do something first, or appear to be successful.  When I published a book he said he'd written 50.  I had 4 children, he had six.  A recent one:  he had start up companies that were worth billions (I'm not sure why he wanted to compete with me professionally, as I was a lowly adjunct professor of English and earned a pittance), but that shows the escalation and craziness of comparing.  I wrote him back and congratulated him on his success.  But it made me so sad. 

Comparison separates us from each other and sets us against each other in a vicious duality that harms relationships.  Most people are innocent:  they built their sense of self on false values and have to keep proving their are worthy.  Some of us feel unique and uncomparable, as my teacher described hamanity.  We respect our differences, knowing underneath we all have access to the same Buddha nature, and that is the source of our sense of well being.  If you love and respect yourself, comparisons seem bizarre.