We picked up our Christmas tree yesterday, at a lot that is family owned. They come down from Oregon and with a bunch of teenage kids. These kids are well trained and sturdy, so that skinny or not, they can heft the trees with ease. But I noted this time that they all are unfailingly polite and wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and offer help several times. Yes, they are well trained by their parents and this is a business. It works. Customers get that few seconds warm glow and depart having positive feelings towards the lot and the family. Is it fake? I don't really think so. They feel better when they receive the smile and reciprocal best wishes. It makes them feel that what they are doing is in the spirit of Christmas, of gifting, of joy.
"Acting as if", the old AA standby, is a great skill to practice. If you practice being friendly, before you know it, you feel like a friendly sort. Politeness breeds politeness and the world seems a kindlier, friendlier place. Manners get a bad rap. They actually change our brains and hearts. Most of the time, we can transform our little immediate environment if we make the effort. I've seen it happen when I've accompanied friends to cancer chemo. It's still cancer, there is still the fear and the pain, but manners warm up the atmosphere and connect us together in this enterprise of wishing the patient healthy, and of the patient feeling supported. Engage. Even a little engagement changes the world.
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