Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Anam Thubten's dharma talk today had a lot of silence in it.  He told us he's been doing a lot of dancing in the retreats for which he's been the teacher.  What happens in speech is we get caught up in concepts and beliefs that are delusions our ego concocts.  To be free of them requires the space and quiet time to examine our thought process and see all the business we do to keep ourselves feeling important and "known".  I've been trying to practice, when I speak, saying "I feel" instead of "I think" or "I believe", because I get into less trouble that way.  At least "I feel" carries more of a sense of what I am feeling in this moment, whereas the other statements imply a solidity that is false.  After all, I often think one thing one moment, the opposite the next and round and round.  Whatever has the mark of solidity is false and delusional.  Many thoughts float through my mind in a day, an hour, a minute.

Today I was adamant when I was speaking to my husband about a relative.  Then I went in another room and noticed my thinking was the opposite of what I'd just stated.  Both or neither statement could be true, but, in fact, I was speculating about someone else's mindstream, so I really have no idea about what was going on with that relative.  I don't know.  I know I have strong opinions, but I forget that these opinions change often and contradict each other frequently, and don't have any real power to describe my thought process or what I am witnessing.  Words are inadequate.  What does this mean to me?  I better be super careful about what comes out of my mouth.  Because although I know that it's not writ in blood, other people take my words seriously, whereas they represent only that fleeting moment and not a definitive statement of where I stand.  Now there are exceptions:  the ten commandment kinds of moral codes.  But those dramatic decisions are few and far between.  Normally, we are just shooting the breeze, a good metaphor for the illusiveness of opinions and statements.  I FEEL that my concepts and beliefs are a false version of me, the complex contradictory me.  So I'd better shut up more or explain myself better.  Ah, a new year's resolution presents itself.