I've just returned from hearing a dharma talk from my teacher, Anam Thubten. His subject was the human impulse toward the divine. He discussed how we evolve individually and collectively. Sometimes the changes are sudden, sometimes slow. He talked about our spiritual autobiographies. I thought of my brother's note, and my surprise at how unangry and generous it was. Loving and kind. It is a blessing to know he had evolved enough to write such a note, and to be able to express love.
Sitting next to me was a woman I'd not met before. She asked me a lot of questions about Buddhism, what the different kinds were, and how I'd found Anam. My first reaction to her was negative, because she said she was having "difficulties". I was angrily thinking about my brother having just shot himself, but I let that unworthy thought go. I answered her as energetically as I was able, and slowly began to feel a compassionate response. Who was I do judge our levels of distress? As Anam had been saying in the talk, each person is a mystery to us and we to them. Our complexity is infinite. By the time we'd parted ways, I liked the woman, and we exchanged names, and she lives in the town next to mine, and I'd forgotten my impulsive reaction to her first words. Words, words, who cares? I "acted as if" (as they say in ALANON) I were friendly and open, and soon enough, my thoughts and feelings completely changed. So for a few minutes I evolved toward the better. And it felt good. I kept my lips zipped through my first thoughts and opened my mouth and heart at the same time. Amazing!
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