So much loving right speech has surrounded me by friends and family. I'm trying to respond in kind. Even busy-bodies where my brother lived sounded good. I responded to them as if I believed their rhetoric, because I felt they believed it. My brother's note warned me of trusting them. He could have been unfair, but I've been cautious. With two neighbors I've thanked them for their offers of help and given my name, address and phone. I won't call but they can. The neighbor with whom my brother exchanged videos and occasionally talked outside, I answered her questions forthrightly, gave her a vase of my brother's and called when the note was found to tell her killed himself over health reasons. I'm grateful she talked to him and made some of his days a little brighter. I deduce she complained to him about little things: the light in the back yard if it was on at night, maybe his garden sculptures, who knows? Since she managed to complain to me of similar things, probably he stopped speaking to her, and that is why she didn't notice when she didn't see him for six weeks.
I want to be elegant in my interactions with people there to honor my brother and represent him well. Now I'm, in effect, speaking for him. My words and actions influence memories of him. So I've not been saying what I think, but what I feel will protect him and his memory. These are complicated social interactions, where there is a script which keeps people from intruding too much, and me from expressing my heartache. I have my friends and family here for that. Thank goodness.
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