You know when someone asks you do you like her? My impulse is to answer I like some things about her and not others. But, instead, I usually I say yes. Why? Because I don't want to get into listing character traits of the third party not present, and the set up is dualistic: either I do or I don't. When the reality is I feel kindly disposed at one moment and irritated the next. It's complex. But do I want to be that specific about another person without her present? No. And I don't want to be analyzing her either. It's not my job to make assessments. I'm not hiring her for a job. I don't need to sum up. And I would really, really be upset if someone did that to me.
We don't even love all the behavior of our spouses or kids. We often don't like our own behavior. It's a rocky roller coaster ride, being a human being. And we have varying levels of attachment to others. Some friends are for seeing once a year. Some for going to movies or an art museum. A few are for deep revelations and constant contact. And even with those few, we take a break or feel estranged at times. Might as well ask if I like myself. Not this week. This week I'm doing a lot of praying and examining my behavior. Next week, I could be proud as punch over a wise decision or a loving interaction with another. There is no dualism. It's a flow, high and low, jumbled up and crystal clear, depending on the moment.
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