Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I will be able to zoom my Zen teacher's cremation ceremony in a couple of days. The question is, do I feel up to it? I am going to talk with my therapist by phone tomorrow, and I keep overestimating my capacity to "handle" things. Last week, zooming in on a remembrance ceremony for my daughter by her college, I felt deeply depressed after. Having her name read did not do anything for me except point out that when they got to her graduation year, she was the only one who had died, and they skipped whole years before and after. I want to be strong, but am I? I often read my grandson a story in Frog and Toad Together where they wonder if they are brave, and end up being brave together with toad in bed with the covers over his head and frog in the closet with the door shut. That's about how much confidence I have in my strength right now. I ate two brownies with sugar in them last night, and I am diabetic. I am a wreck. We will just see if I am able and willing to mourn my teacher at this moment. It could go either way.