A friend of mine suggested yesterday I send out a memoir I wrote years ago about experiences in my first marriage. There was domestic violence, there was a husband who was Muslim and from another country, there was a police structure and general culture of not wanting to interfere with "private issues". I tried to get help. I blamed myself. I was extremely lucky because my legal aid lawyer advised me to hide out with my two kids until I had temporary custody and my parents and brother supported me through the rough months. Nobody had ever heard the term "battered woman" in those days. I survived. And because I was firm, and the legal system was firm, my husband scaled back his behavior and cooperated over time.
Now there is this mass murderer in Orlando and journalists are speaking out about the obvious connection between domestic violence and these murderers. Their friends and family have been intimidated and swept the "problems" under the rug. Permission is thereby granted to feed the rage and target others if the wife victim dies or disappears. There is a connection between rape and domestic violence and stalking and harassment and larger public acts of violence. It's time to restructure the way the police are given carte blanche to continue domestic violence with impunity. The courts need to fully support the victims, and the perpetrators need to know there is zero tolerance for such acts. And by the way, judges need to be removed if they belittle violence toward women. Women and children are dying in their homes every single day. We can criticize India or the Middle East, or we can look in our own back yard and protect women and children.
Silence and shame has not been working. It's time to speak out and insist these perpetrators get help or get reported or both. We all have a job to prevent such violence. There are actions we can take to protect innocents. Speak up.
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