Today my husband got very angry at our Christmas tree. It was a bit crooked on the bottom, and I held it up for 30 minutes until he threw it down and stormed off. This is the man who's son had offered to help him with the tree, but he was too manly to accept. I know he was angry at himself, but he was dreadful to be around. Luckily, I was having lunch with a friend and I stayed out as long as I could, and he had calmed down. He hadn't gotten lunch, but if he was trying to punish me, no such luck. I do not feel responsible for the tree, the difficulty, or his mood.
Over the years, I've learned to not argue with him, or try to make him feel better. I don't say a word, and when he's ready he begins speaking to me rationally. It's still stressful for me, but I have abdicated any responsibility for whatever upsets him. It's his mindstream. I am busy minding my own.
Thus there are few scenes or circular arguments, and each of us takes responsibility for our own happiness. I don't enjoy seeing him upset, but I don't let him upset me.
No comments:
Post a Comment