Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My Buddhist teacher talked about equanimity today. An excellent topic for me. I've been carrying so much anxiety in my body that it's affecting me, and about things over which I have no control. Last night my husband and I watched the last show of Season seven of the Brokenwood Mysteries, and it involved a Maori woman in witness protection with two small children. She was diagnosed with cancer and wanted to reveal to her family where she was and her condition so her children would have love and support when she died. She looked like my daughter, and after the episode was over, I cried. But it was comforting, because it reminded me that we promised and are fulfilling that promise to love and be involved with her daughter, and, ironically, our younger son had visited our granddaughter and son-in-law that very day. Our daughter asked all of us to commit to her daughter's support, and we all have. And that's all we can do. She has a challenging life ahead of her, and so far she's faring well. And I can see more and more that our granddaughter has so much of her mother in her that we have not entirely lost our daughter. She lives in her child. Anyway, my teacher was saying that humans, with their ego, believe they can control life, and of course that is a delusion. We need to let go of that kind of responsibility. I have a perfect record of not having saved anyone from dying because that is not a power any of us possesses. I want to peel off any vestages of judgment about myself or others, because we can possibily sometimes control our own behavior, but that's about all we can aim for. If I keep the nature of reality in my sights, my anxiety will lessen, and I can stay centered in my life without the chatter.