I've just returned from my two day retreat, and I had a lot of opportunity to practice right speech with my friend who came with me and various people I met during the breaks in the retreat. Today I had a lovely conversation with three women who were at their first retreat and had a bunch of questions. I hope I aquitted myself well in my answers. It was great practice for me to express what I feel about my practice and our teacher. I hope I was helpful.
I have a lot to mull over from the dharma talks and some insights I felt I gained from meditation and following the teacher's focus. Now comes the hard part: integrating what I've learned about myself into my life. One example, I was worried, feeling guilty and sad about my brother before he died, and nothing has changed because he died. So it's in my own mind that I carry these burdens, they aren't rational, and they are old, old habits of thinking that cause me more suffering than is necessary. Yes, there would be great pain for his loss, but the extras I add on are my own contribution to my suffering. Can I practice letting go of a responsibility I never had, a power I never even possessed? We'll see. Tune in next time.
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