Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I like advice columnists. I read Dear Abby, Dear Amy, and Miss Manners. I loved Cheryl Strayed's "Dear Sugar". It's like the readers are all over the map, but the advisor is sensibly calm, pragmatic and diplomatic. I am attracted to that equanimity. I strive for it in my own life. Sometimes I recognise myself in the wisdom of the advisor, and others I am the crazy person. In real life I abhor confrontation, perhaps because my parents and brother were violatile and argumentative, and I was the mediator. I will give a friend so many chances, excuse their behavior as long as humanly possible, and then try to avoid them rather than admit, well, that I am avoiding them. And really, my record as a confronter is dismal. I never feel better, it doesn't seem to resolve anything, and evidently, I am unable to persuade anyone to my point of view about the issue. I'm a failure at clearing things up. Nevertheless, once in a great while I must do the kind thing and explain my obvious avoidance of another person. This I did in the form of a note to a friend of long standing, with whom I have some fine memories, but who steps all over me when I try to keep our friendship to a once every couple of months thing. I have received no support or wisdom or comfort from this person, though, in the past, I have provided these things to her. I've tried to confront her before about actions that have deeply hurt my feelings, but she gets angry, walks out, then sends a note of apology a couple of months later, with no real understanding of what happened. I'm done. What a sad feeling it is to quit. But friendships run their course and end. It's happened before to me and will happen again. I, myself have been cut off with no explanation, but knowing really, it was not a rational decision but an emotional one. We weigh the pros and cons, and if we feel the relationship is draining with no means of replentishment, we bail. But I'm loyal by nature, and it always upsets me when this happens. Especially as I don't seem to be able to become more skillful at how to end a relationship. I'm not sure reading advice has helped, but it makes clear the enormous challenge sticking up for oneself entails, and that I'm not alone in the mess that is interacting with others.