Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It's cold and windy today, as the the old year is being swept away by the new.  My husband and I went on a trip with our older son, his wife and our three year old grandson.  It went super well, and we loved everything we saw.  But for me, the treasure was the time with the three of them, as normally they are busy working and going to preschool.  We had adjoining rooms and our grandson would knock and visit us.  We did a lot of playing we were on a train.  Tonight we are having dinner with our younger daughter, son-in-law and younger grandson.  Then I am babysitting so they can go out with friends.  Being with the grandchildren rings in the new year perfectly for me.  On the trip, one morning when I asked my grandson how he had slept the night before he answered:  "I struggled".  I kept myself from smiling, but I'm smiling now!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend called this morning and we were wishing each other lovely holidays, when she said it had been a hard fall for her.  The nearby fires and crushing suffering they caused had depressed her, and she said she went out last week and bought a "boat load" of toys for the the children who are homeless because of the the fires.  She took them to the fire station, and the firefighters said they couldn't promise they would get to those kids, but definitely they would reach poor children.  I know that the victims don't need "things" directly, as an avalanche has been donated, but money to organizations who help them is the way to go.  My friend feels deeply about the people and animals lost and suffering because of the fires.  I told her I've been struggling as well, and see my therapist every few weeks because I feel so bad.  She also is reeling from her best friends' son dying suddenly of a heart attack, and watching their grief has saddened her so much.  How do we balance supporting those who are suffering with keeping up our own spirits?  She's doing the right thing:  taking what actions she can and being a good listener.  And I am being a good listener to her, because she is my friend.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Two of our kids flew out this morning to their inlaws.  We are now on our own a couple of days until we fly with our older son, his wife, and our grandson south on Christmas morning.  So no big dinners to make, no stockings to fill, just quiet and laid back until we drive to the airport and meet them.  We'll open our few gifts tomorrow evening, and I bought frozen crab cakes and half of a blackberry lime pie for our Christmas Eve repast.  Today I persuaded my husband to go see "Green Book" and it was the perfect Christmas movie, with lots of laughter and wisdom.  Viggo Mortenson was amazing, and Marashala Ali great as the pianist Don Shirley.  When we return from our trip, I am dying to see "On the Basis of Sex".  Lots of treats in store, if not sugar plums!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday we took our grandson to the museum, but discovered it opened later than we had thought, so we wandered to the nearby lake and watched the coots and bufflehead ducks.  When you are with a young child, your view of the world gets very specific, and I was as engaged as he was with the diving and movement, the black and white duck that looked like it had a tuxedo on, and no it wasn't a penguin.  It was meditative.  At shoreline, there was a mess of litter, and the irony of a man-made lake from damming up an estuary, and the man-made trash uglying it up, was not lost on my husband and I.  But to our grandson, there was no judgement.  People were so friendly, as they strolled, ran or biked by us, maybe because of our grandson.  He, in turn, waved to all and said hi to some.  The world to him is utterly glorious, and ducks an amazing phenomenon.  And for a little while, we were in his world, and it was magical.  And for all we know, his world is the truer one.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our younger grandson is having a fit over sleeping in his crib, especially for his nap.  His babysitter couldn't get him to nap, and I couldn't either last Friday.  Yesterday morning he woke up at 4: 30 am, after screaming in his crib at one am and he refused to nap, and got grumpier and grumpier.  After our daughter picked him up, she stopped by for us and we ate at a nearby Mexican place we love, but he wouldn't eat but a tiny bit of rice.  I offered to help put him to bed, as our son-in-law was at his class, and my husband went on to his chorus rehearsal.  I distracted the baby tyrant while my daughter got his sleep clothes out, warmed his bottle of milk, and then we read to him.  He conked out immediately as she rocked him, and then we sat downstairs with the monitor and watched some stuff on TV.  It was lovely having tea and looking at one "Parks and Recreation" episode, a couple of skits of Trevor Noah, and then the first part of a silly Hallmark Christmas movie, with the couple who don't like each other eventually falling in love.  It was just our speed, and it was just us gals mellowing out.  I don't get to do that with my daughter since the terrible two came on the scene, and though I adore him, I loved having my daughter all to myself for a little bit. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend and I saw the film "Roma" yesterday and it blew us away.  It truly is a masterpiece.  This film is genuinely focused on women and their lives, their private, ordinary lives.  It's about race, class, patriarchy, and what a family is.  Yet there is no preaching.  The focus is on one family and three women:  mother, grandmother, and servant.  the cinematography is by Alfonso Cuaron, and he wrote and directed it.  Wow, all I can say is wow.  I cried, laughed, agonized and empathized.  After the movie ended my friend and I sat there for a few minutes, stunned.  It reminds me of "Les Enfants du Paradise", the great nineteen forties French film.  The pageant of humanity, the suffering, the love, the interconnection between all the people.  There are scenes in this film that will haunt me forever.  It also reminds me of "Moonlight", Barry Jenkins' masterpiece.  The viewer cares, really cares about all these people, even the terrible ones.  It opens your heart to a world you thought you knew but had no idea of.  Wow.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I attended a committee meeting last night.  My friend talked me into it.  It's a great organization which helps kids, and, years ago, I helped the head of donations plan their first event.  But there are so many worthy causes, and I have my own hobby horses.  Right now, however, I was feeling the urge to volunteer again, and last night I slipped into the saddle again very easily.  It felt comfortable, though I didn't know anyone except the host, and I offered to do only what seemed a good fit with me.  But they were curious about my experiences fundraising, and I surprised myself by remembering quite a bit.  I realized I had really done quite a few extraordinary things, and helped a lot of people along the way:  schools, shelters, art programs, and other worthy causes.  And the basics are still the same:  inspire people who can give to do so by showing them the good they will do.  So now I've got a script to write for phone calls, some contacts to make, and though I was the oldest person in the room, they were inviting and I liked them immediately.  So I've got skills yet!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had a holiday brunch yesterday, co-hosted my younger son and I.  We work really smoothly together, with the help of my husband, his wife, our younger daughter and her husband.  Everyone pitches in and just does what needs to be done.  This year is our first daytime party.  We switched from evening because of our grandchildren and our kids friends who have little ones, and because some of my friends have trouble with our stairs at night.  I loved having it in the daytime, and the rain held off and the children could be in the back yard to blow off steam.  We cooked four kinds of frittatas, waffles with syrups, fruit, whipped cream and other goodies and served mimosas and two huge cakes:  buche de noel and coconut cake.  Everyone was on a happy sugar high.  A big hit was the toddlers climbing up and down the inside stairs.  I could have charged admission!  Even the cleanup wasn't awful.  The last of it was put away this morning.  Last night, exhausted, my husband and I had McDonalds and watched "The Bishop's Wife" with Cary Grant, Loretta Young and David Niven, backs aching but soooo satisfied.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I just talked to my friend who is undergoing chemo for breast cancer.  She's in good spirits, and has only one more chemo treatment to be done.  She had to hang up because she is getting a white blood cell shot.  My friend and I will be visiting her in January, and she seems to be looking forward to that.  Her daughter will be with her over the holidays.  I feel a long way away and not helpful, but that is the fact of the matter.  I send cards and call once in a while.  My friend who is visiting with me is closer to her in some ways, as they went all the way through school together, and their parents remained in the same small town.  On the other hand, until they retired, the friend and her husband were quite close to my parents, who mentored them after college, and they lived in the same city as my parents, so often shared holidays together.  My gratitude for that kindness is great.  So for my mom and dad, if not for me, I am being as supportive as I can be. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I broke down and watched one of my husband's Ice Age movies.  He finds them highly entertaining.  I do not.  It turned out that the one he picked (#3) was one I'd seen ages ago with my foster granddaughter when she was little.  See, that's the problem.  I have seen all of these kiddies films with her over the years, she's now thirteen, and I feel like a martyr.  I have even seen the Alvin and the Chipmonks films.  I vividly remember "Chipwrecked".  The horror, the horror.  I'll admit I loved the Box Car Children and BFG, and I have a soft spot for Brave and The Incredibles.  But Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, the How to Train your own Dragon ones, and others were torture.  What I do for love, right?!  I like the ancient Disney ones like Lady and the Tramp and Robin Hood well enough, but gee.  My husband is on his own with Bolt and Shrek and Toy Story.  I'd rather read a book, and do, when he gets his kid on.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've been coordinating with my childhood friend to fly to see a mutual childhood friend, who has stage 4 breast cancer and is in the middle of chemo.  She lives in Texas and we each are coming from a different coast.  But my flight is non-stop and my friend's complicated.  She has to drive an hour to her nearest airport, and will require a stop somewhere on the way.  We are determined to do this, and cheer up our friend.  It's a tradition we have, the three of us.  Again, it was the middle of the country, but at least we were able to fly together, with only one stop.  My childhood friend prefers to drive, and can do that to see her three grown children and her grandchildren.  But this is a mess, and more for her than for me.  My weather is mild, while her weather and that of Texas can involve ice storms and delays.  I wish I could figure out a way to make it easier on her.  I know she's getting a headache about now.  However, she is intrepid, and will get a flight.  But it's snowing where she lives, and she's kind of blocked in with her computer, and there is no escape.  I feel for her.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today is our younger daughter's birthday.  Her celebration gets swallowed up in the holiday blitz, and now her son, who's birthday is 12 days before, draws all the energy towards that event.  She's our youngest by seven years, and I'm so grateful she's in our lives.  She's thoughtful and kind, and very empathetic, as is her husband, and they include us in much of their lives.  That she lives nearby is wonderful, and that we see her and her son at least once a week because we babysit him, is a blessing.  She's a hero.  She teaches third graders, and these are kids without much English and writing skills.  I know her devotion.  She won't give up on even one of these kids.  She has a very long day, often getting up at six with her toddler, and coming back at five, putting him to bed, then working at home while he is sleeping.  Yet she takes him on fun excursions and reads and plays with him.  I try to babysit so she and her husband can get out, but often she's too tired or pressed for prep for her class.  And we won't even discuss what she gets paid for this.  Teachers are the most undervalued workers in America.  Tonight we go out with her, our son-in-law, grandson and our son and his wife, who also lives nearby, for a tiny celebration and a meal out.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Every neighborhood has it's secret delights.  Yesterday we took our grandson yet again to see the koi fish swimming in our neighbor's front yard, as well as their water lilies.  And along the way we saw "The Grotto" which really is a stone grotto with a pond you can see from the street.  We cross over the bridge between streets where the underground creek surfaces and stare at the water.  The creek goes under and up under and up along our streets.  We can hear the frogs singing all year long.  We have two small parks, one with the name "Round Park" because of it's shape, and if you go there you can see balls being chased by dogs and tramp among the leaves.  We also have a parkway that is our little strip of woods, where people stroll and walk their dogs and we can pretend we are in a forest.  I don't think about these places much consciously, but they enhance the ambiance of the neighborhood.  I'm reminded of our funky Fourth of July parades where kids decorate their bikes, a band plays on the back of a pickup truck and families and dogs are decked out in red, white and blue.  We have children ring the bells for the thirteen original states, a speech about what our country means to us, singing, watermelon, beer and cotton candy.  We're weathering the Trump era, hugging our values to our chests to remind us of what we hold dear, even if our President doesn't.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Well, the tree is decorated, the house looking festive, and I'm listening non-stop to Christmas songs.  Next it will be watching my favorite holiday movies:  Christmas in Connecticut, Elf, Miracle on Thirty Fourth Street and The Bishop's wife.  I've got to hunt them up today.  I ordered two cakes for my younger son's and my holiday brunch:  a huge Yule Log and a coconut cake with lots of frosting.  We're doing waffles and frittatas and fruit salad, mimosas and apple juice.  We've restructured our whole event for the tons of toddlers who now come.  And for my generation, which has difficulty with our steps and the dark.  Now we're all lit up with sunshine, hopefully.  I've purchased every kind of syrup known to man:  boysenberry, elderflower, ginger, raspberry, blueberry, apricot, etc.  Now as a diabetic, I can't eat any of this, but I have my sugar free syrup and can load on whip cream, as I make it without sugar.  No problemo. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We just got a call from our younger son and his wife that their baby is a boy.  They sound really happy and are so excited.  We all just want a healthy baby, bottom line.  I wasn't sure they were going to ask about the sex of the baby and I don't think they were either, but doing the test today must have made them curious.  We are so lucky to share in their joy and anticipation.  When I was sending out holiday cards with pictures of the three grandchildren inside, I was thinking that next year there will be a fourth photo.  Each of my four kids will have one child.  Wow.  It sure helps with the holiday spirit, and how nice for the grandchildren to have cousins.  Family is a gift and a treasure.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I went to my grandson's house early yesterday, so we could play and get relaxed.  For the first time I was putting him to bed at night.  Yes, I've done it a million times for nap, but not the nighttime big deal.  When I babysit him at night he's already asleep or my daughter puts him in and I watch the monitor.  He was great, and other than ordering me to sing song after song while I was rocking him, everything proceeded according to plan.  When I put him in his crib, he directed me to shut the door.  That was at seven thirty and as I watched the monitor downstairs, I could see he was lying down but his eyes were wide open.  He finally closed his eyes at eight.  He evidently has many issues to think about.  That mind of his is going a mile a minute.  This morning his daddy texted me that he was disappointed I wasn't there when he awoke.  I believe we may be ready for an overnight at my house soon.  I'm going to suggest my daughter buy one of those "Going to Grandma's House" overnight bags for kids, and I can begin to talk it up with him. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It was our younger grandson's birthday party and a bunch of toddlers looked confused, got interested in toys or the bouncy house, snacked, and generally had fun.  The ice cream cake was very successful.  Some kids even ate their whole piece.  It helped that it had gummy bears on it, and yes, there were color preferences, but no one fell apart over that issue.  No blood was spilled, though there were sore heads from kids bumping into each other and a few tears.  Our grandson was stunned, shy, happy, bouncy and fatigued by the end.  I'm sure he's napping now.  His nanny came with her boyfriend, and they were pretty delightful.  I can see why he adores her.  Both sets of his grandparents were there.  My other grandson attended and he was thrilled with the bouncy house.  I held an adorable six month old girl for a long time and she was curious and mellow and such a delightful armful.  Now I need a nap, but maybe not.  We're going later to get a Christmas tree, and our younger son is helping with that, bless his heart.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I whipped around today shopping a bit for the holidays.  It's the Big Game today in our town, delayed from two weeks ago by the bad air.  I don't believe in football...but...it's my Alma Mater and I have fifty years plus memories of being an undergrad and going to games, and we had season tickets a few years ago, and when I see the band marching or hear it on Thursday nights practicing, then I get competitive and want them to win, win, win.  It's in my blood.  It rained this morning but it's sunny now and a great day for the game.  I still read about all their games in the newspaper, and follow some of the NFL players like Aaron Rogers, who was an undergrad here.  It's a brutal game, and I never allowed my sons to play, but my Dad got me started when I was little, my brother played in high school, and I can't quite let the whole thing go.  I really do want my team to win.  Pathetic but true.