My practice involves turning and facing patterns in my life, so that I more fully understand my motivations and have responses that are measured and not reactive. Saturday my daughter-in-law and I discussed them moving after the baby because their place isn't big enough, which is true. They find the housing prices here prohibitive, as does everyone, and they may move north. My reaction every time she or my son mentions moving is pretty strong, though I attempt to hide it. After all, they need to do what is right for them.
But this time I didn't turn away from the fear that arose, but connected it with long ago. My first husband threatened to take our two kids and go back to his home halfway around the world. Then he locked me out of our place twice for several days, and wouldn't let me even talk to the kids, who were toddlers. I still have PTSD from being separated from them suddenly and without anyone caring for them but him. I realize I irrationally fear separation, despite our kids having lived on the east coast and abroad. Almost fifty years have passed, yet when any of them moves away, a cold terror begins in my heart. Well, the fear is ridiculously unfounded at this point in time and has been for decades, so I'm going to notice when it arises, and be amused at myself. After all, the kids are married and have kids of their own. It's no longer my job to protect them. And it looks like all four of them enjoying seeing us often enough that I'll be seeing them plenty. SO I CAN STOP WORRYING. Sigh.
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