Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I trudged along to the eye doctor this morning, and came back with antibiotics for my eye.  This infection may have something to do with my grandson, or not.  The perils of grandparenthood.  I debated last night if my eye weeping was just allergies or something else.  By this morning, I was determined to go in.  Why do I fear so much the doctor saying noting is wrong?  That would be a good outcome, don't you think?  But I don't want to "bother" people.  I don't like to assert myself.  I grew up in a culture where complaining and whining were dreaded labels.  Our family was supposed to be stoic, no matter what.  For my kids, I would force myself to take them in, even if it turned out not to be an ear, throat, whatever infection.  But for myself, I can't relieve myself of the worry that easily.  First I've got to suffer a few days, then have a sleepless night debating whether to call, and possibly then I'll pick up the phone.  This time, the fact that I was going on a trip forced me to be proactive.  I really didn't want to ruin my vacation.  And I'm so happy to have that tiny pink bottle of eye drops:  salvation!  But why do I put myself through so much to begin with?  Self punishment.  When do I mature enough to let go of that?!