Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Well, our daughter and granddaughter are on the plane for home.  We had a lovely visit, and feel so grateful to have kids who want to be with us.  Next year will be our "off" year, when they visit in-laws, but we're happy to share.  Our delightful granddaughter brought us back wood from one of our trees that was cut down.  Millions of trees in the Sierras died, and a billion in the western U.S.  It's sad and strange, but they said we have a much better view of the lake now.  Out of the bad comes good?  We have no choice anyway.  All our lives we've fought to conserve forests and nature, but the world is not on that path.  The future is bright and dark and unknown.  We try to keep our own behavior respectful and optimistic, because we love this planet and our country is so blessed with natural beauty and resources.  As a Native American, I know we are one with nature and her injuries are ours.  Let's pray more and more people see how interconnected we are.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We are in the happy circumstance of a lot of neighbor invites for the holidays.  We went to one yesterday and had fun, another is today, another tomorrow and one Monday.  We'll see friends, snack and "catch up".  This to me is the spirit of Christmas.  None of us needs a gift.  We treasure our friendships so much more.  I love to see how others' houses are decorated, and I do have a thing for Christmas trees, even fake ones.  My friend last night collects Russian ornaments, finely hand painted, and also those ornaments that are sparkling and very breakable.  They are a wonder to behold.  There is a history to each ornament and amazing craftsmanship.  I tend to homemade and soft wool felt ornaments - the nonbreakable variety, but I love to admire the elaborate ones.  They seem very special because they are so fragile.  And friendships, too, are fragile, and breakable, unless you are careful, and value the beauty you have in your hand.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

The best laid plans, etc., etc.  Our older daughter went up to our cabin with our granddaughter to meet friends and the forest service had somehow decided to take down dead trees during the holidays, despite many families using their cabins then.  She couldn't get the car up our road; it was blocked.  Then the noise, now today the huge crane is at our cabin.  Also, they were all going sledding, but with the drought:  no snow.  They drove toward the pass to find some, but there was hardly any.  Now, our younger daughter, husband and son are not driving up today to meet them because the noise is likely to keep the little one from being able to nap.  She sounds cheerful, despite it all, but they head down today, a day early.  Enough is enough.  Flexibility is one goal when you parent.  I'm happy to see our kids have it in spades.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday a friend and I wandered through an art museum and nourished our souls with the creativity and beauty of the art.  There were ancient frescos from Teotijuacan, Navajo rugs, Gee's Bend quilts, and portraits of Maori chiefs from New Zealand.  Our spirits lifted the more we saw.  Clearly the antidote to the news is found in the great cultural achievements of the world.  We also discussed how our appreciation of kinds of art changes over time.  Neither of us loved sculpture when young, but now we a drawn to it.  I resisted video art for years, only to succumb with a Bill Viola show.  We both have grown fond of conceptual art as we've matured, and enjoy the intense focus it requires.  Everything changes -- and isn't that delightful!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our family had a lovely Christmas Eve and Day.  We cooked, played with the kids, sang carols until our voices gave out, ate royally and were so grateful to all be together.  We only possibly do this every other year, as there are the spouses families to share the holiday with.  The one and two year old boys enjoyed themselves, without being much interested in presents at all.  They avoided the sugar and though naptime was challenging, they managed bravely.  What one was playing with the other wanted.  Our granddaughter brushed her new doll's hair until it shone, and even got in a few licks on her own mane.  I'm wisely not getting on the scale today, and will go back to normal eating post haste.  But a glow remains.  I feel so fortunate.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We watched "Miracle on 34th Street" last night for the umpteenth time.  On my front door above the wreath I have a sign "We believe in Santa".  I put it up each year because I do believe in the spirit of generosity.  My husband and I have refined to the point we don't give each other gifts and simply enjoy thinking about others.  Most of our gifts are service - a eye exam in a friend's name.  We have a lottery for the family so I only buy for one person, and I have the time to really think about it and enjoy the surprise of the receiver.  We do make exceptions for the grandkids, but only one gift each.  Where I have the most fun is stockings.  Everything is silly, but finding cheap treats is a kick.  I went to the Dollar Tree store this year and came back with some real bargains.  We rush downstairs on Christmas morning and there is rustling and comparing and then we settle in for the presents under the tree, with eggnog to sustain us.  After is a big brunch, made by all, and a lot of football watching or taking walks around the neighborhood or playing games.  The little fellows will take naps.  Then a relaxed early dinner and trifle, our tradition.  Lots of Christmas music is played on the piano and we sing carols.  In three days!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday my younger daughter and I took her son to the zoo.  He was fascinated with, in order:  other kids, meercats, giraffes, goats, the gondola, the train ride.  He had a great day, and laughed and clapped his hands a lot.  I was enthralled with, in order:  my grandson, the warthogs, who because it was a cold day were running around like ballerinas, the giraffes, and the baboons.  One baboon was digging a hole, then a fight erupted because perhaps it didn't want to share, and then we swooped our little one year old away, saving for another day the more aggressive behaviors of our distant cousins.  Having just seen "Jane", about the chimpanzees Goodall studied, I didn't really want to be reminded of our human tendency to violence, not eradicated despite the talk of higher animals.  My grandson went home to a nap, and I home to a good book by Sebastian Berry, about the violent settling of the plains in the mid eighteen hundreds.  The fight was over land not digging holes, but was otherwise the same.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We saw the documentary "Jane" yesterday.  It was fascinating and heartbreaking.  In the end, a la the butterfly theory, you feel Goodall's presence altered what she observed about the chimpanzees.  Her great service has been to attempt to protect their habitat and save them from extinction.  And that goal she has been tirelessly working towards for twenty or thirty years.  And she was honest about her disappointment in some of the ways chimps and humans are alike.  The footage, lost for decades, was amazing.  The chimps are distinctive and as complex as we are.  And like us, they are often at the mercy of instinct instead of thoughtful choice.  But they are as capable of love and cruelty as we are.  I was touched by the story of the chimp group, and also by Goodall's story. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm upset, but it's just a tiny upset.  I ordered a stocking for my grandson quite some time ago, with his name embroidered on it.  Today I checked and they didn't have it in stock and cancelled my order without telling me.  So now it's too late to pick a different stocking and have it embroidered.  This must sound like I'm a perfectionist, but I'm not.  I just want to be informed if something goes wrong.  Yes, I can never use this company again, but somehow I doubt they care.  Will my grandson care?  At one, not hardly.  Oh, well.  Tis the time of year when little things get messed up and you wait and wait for a delivery that never comes.  A perfectly equaminious person would not have her blood pressure rise a bit.  She would see all her blessings and wonderful family and feel a rush of gratitude so overwhelming it would bring tears to her eyes.  Me, it takes a minute.  Ah, there.  All better now.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We went to a friend's Hanuakuah party last night, and I made latkes with her 95 year old mother, whom I adore.  I miss no older generation, and I get myself attached to my friends' parents and feel the loss when they die.  This lady is a survivor, and sharp and funny.  We talk old movies and this time she is watching "The Crown" so we discussed the royal family.  I'd just seen "The Darkest Hour", so I was in the mood.  I told her I remembered Princess Margaret and all her love struck turmoil vaguely, though I was a child.  And I seem to remember seeing Elizabeth's coronation, though perhaps that's incorrect.  I'm not sure we had a TV then.  For this lady, as for many, the British royalty is endless entertainment.  I'm usually stuck in the colonialism fury mode, but I see why Americans like this stuff.  It's fairy tale material.  For my friend's mother, the past is where she enjoys visiting, as it represents her heyday.  And I love her hear her first hand accounts.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had our grandson over yesterday and he was full of beans!  He said the words "Here" and "Look" and walked several times.  He was highly entertained by the gardeners outside the kitchen window while he was eating, and was determined to dip his french fry in the ketchup at the lunch place where we ate.  He stared at a boy of eight or nine and swiveled his head to follow when wherever he went.  He's excellent at sound effects for trucks and cars, and happy to maneuver his push cart throughout the house.  I was happily exhausted when our daughter picked him up for his second nap, and discovered this morning I was one pound lighter.  It's WORK taking care of a one year old.  His delight in everything expands our own, and there is nothing I'd rather do than be with the grandchildren.  They are my biggest holiday blessing.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I heard from our older daughter today about her plans for the holidays and she's clear and determined about what she wants to do.  Her clarity is appreciated, and I think we all are happy to hear from her and figure out when we'll spend time with her and when she will see friends or just part of the family.  Our family sometimes is too reticent about saying what we want or need.   We love each other and don't want to hurt feelings or be pushy, so we end up being confused.  It will be a quiet Christmas for us, meaning my husband and myself, and I think we need it.  We have a lot of strum and drang to process.  I'm looking forward to seeing our whole family together, briefly, and then admiring their large networks of friends and activities.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I heard an encouraging report a couple of days ago of a friend who had a stroke and was in rehab was now home with her family.  My friend and her husband had visited her and she was so happy to be home.  I was especially happy to hear this person had been able to be at her daughter's wedding for half and hour, instead of missing it entirely.  And then this morning news that the mayor of San Francisco died last night.  He was shopping with his wife at a Safeway and had a heart attack, and the hospital couldn't save him.  He was younger by seven years than my friend who had the stroke.  Randomness is the X factor in outcomes.  We never know what will happen.  Who is saved and who is lost - a mystery.  It reminds us to live every day as if it might be our last.  And to be grateful for small mercies and large miracles, when they occur.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

The opera yesterday turned out to be quite topical.  Girls of the Golden West is an ironic title, as the Gold Rush was driven by greed, misogyny and racism.  The three lead sopranos were hanged, treated badly and disillusioned in marriage.  It was no place for women.  And though the opera concentrated on the Chinese, South Americans and African Americans, the most vicious treatment was meted out to Native peoples.  I found the music and story powerful, and tears ran down my face at the end, when Josefa is hanged for defending herself against a rapist.  Blame the victim has a long tradition.  What I love about John Adams' music is the urgency, rhythm and passion.  It's music that pulls at our heartstrings.  We stayed and applauded and shouted, while many around us rushed out to get a head start on the garage line.  Their rudeness a sign of our culture.  I've got a feeling they didn't quite get the message of the story.  Or they did, and couldn't wait to get out and away from it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today we go to the opera.  It's a challenge roughly equivalent to climbing Mount Everest, but without the snow.  First there is the outfit thing.  Tights, a decent dress and jacket, the shoes.  Don't forget the tickets or binoculars.  Then the traffic.  One must be a Zen master to remain present and calm.  Then the parking, of which there is none.  Then hiking many blocks in said finery to get to the opera and climbing without sherpas the many slick marble stairs to get to our section.  We buy dreadful sandwiches and potato chips because we've had to leave two hours early but still there is no time to eat at a cafe.  We read the program companionably and I head to the bathroom, and then we find our seats and get up and down up and down as others, later than us, shove through, step on our feet and coats and settle themselves in.  Although it is chilly outside, the inside is muggy with human bodies, all emitting perfumes and menthol cough drops and fiddling with cell phones.  They dare not be disconnected a moment too soon.  The lights dim.  All is forgiven.  The overture soothes and lulls us into beings willing and ready to be enchanted.  I have no doubt today, as usual, we will be.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend and I saw "The Darkest Hour" yesterday afternoon.  It was well made and the acting terrific, but it had some scenes that were quite smaltzsy.  Churchill was a complicated man, and that was conveyed well.  The pull of this movie, as with "Dunkirk" may be the simplicity and obviousness of the enemy.  Evil is crystal clear, but maybe only in retrospect.  We hanker for clarity when the water is muddied, as it is now in Britain and here.  Media are messing with our minds and confusing what we used to take as right or wrong.  People are being fired or resigning for actions the President is clearly guilty of.  Dictators are being threatened in language of dictators.  Racism and classism are wrapped up in flags of patriotism. 
The movie does a good job of showing that standing up to evil is sometimes the job of a bully.  But more importantly, it requires the courage to dare to fail and the resoluteness to lead.  It's lonely.  I saw today in the newspaper that an elderly couple who are Nazi hunters will be honored.  To not quit or say it's ancient history while evil sits in its suburban comfort is a lonely hard road.  You have to lead with your heart, not your head.  Very few are able to stand up and name the evil.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband has really been suffering with a cold.  He's tried everything the doctor suggested, and also my ideas, but the cough persists.  I have a deep and abiding impulse to fix things, despite the knowledge that I actually have no magical powers or tricks up my sleeve.  His coughing is keeping him from his chorus rehearsals, which he loves, and may make it difficult or impossible to attend the opera this weekend.  He doesn't have a fever, or bronchitis or a chest cough.  It's a tickle in the back of his throat.  I told him at the beginning of this a week ago that colds take 3 weeks to get over, but he's impatient and exhausted.  He doesn't want to wait that long.  This waiting thing is not something most men can tolerate.  We, as women, wait for puberty, wait for our periods, wait for the baby to be born, wait for nursing to be over, wait for the baby to sleep through the night.  Patience keeps us from useless wailing and whining.  We are better caretakers because of it, and actually, most of us are more faithful friends.  We don't let the bad patches get us down.  We hang in there.  I won't say we'd embrace the cough, but we wouldn't wonder "why me?"  Colds are not pleasant, even when not life threatening.  We are the realists.  Men are the dreamers.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm going for a walk with a friend this morning.  Her birthday is tomorrow and I'm so proud of myself for actually having her present ready to give.  Her birthday is one day off my younger daughter's, and a week from my best friend's, and in amongst holidays and preparing for holidays and I never before have gotten it together enough to honor her on the right day.  So, despite being busy and my husband having the nightmare of all colds, which means his coughing keeps me up at night, I determinedly got just the book I wanted, wrapped it, and signed a card.  It's the little things, isn't it?!  As we get older, it seems somehow more important to honor the natal day.  This person has been special in my life for over thirty years.  We've shared playdates, joys, sorrows and the bumpy ride of life, each having the other's back.  She's a treasure to me, and I want her to know it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had some gusty winds yesterday and last night.  It makes us here fearful of fire, and today we learned there is a fire in the southern part of the state.  I didn't see any trees fallen when I went out this morning, at least.  Strange days!  Very apocalyptic.  The news is to be avoided and it seems like every grown man has been inappropriate and who knows what else.  I saw a vicious cartoon in the newspaper implying that some women must be lying, because everyone lies.  But did he mean from the male point of view?  I believe so.  Mars and Venus indeed. 
I played Christmas music in the car and shopped for holiday gifts.  I'd just had a CT scan and was determined to be upbeat the rest of the day.  I have so many blessings it's easy to avoid the ugly atmosphere, though not entirely.  As I was waiting in line to pay for some items, the woman in front of me asked the clerk about the shooting last night in the parking lot.  He said no employees had been injured, and she retorted it was why she didn't shop at night.  So I learned of the danger of being a grandma shopping after five pm.  And our President wants conceal and carry everywhere - an equal opportunity bloodbath!  Ah, it's hard to avoid the mayhem in our current culture.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I saw "Three Billboards in Ebbing, Missouri" yesterday afternoon with a friend.  I was disappointed in the film, but really enjoyed the acting performances.  Frances McGormand, Woody Harrelson, Sam Rockwell stood out as complex, contradictory people.  They weren't cyphers for anything.  But the men in the audience laughed too long and too hard, and it disturbed me.  There was some message they thought they were getting that diminished the horror of the grief portrayed in the film.  One other time I remember, when I saw "Monster" starring Charlize Theron, a man keep laughing and being delighted by the murder of women by a woman, and I then thought this movie allows misogyny to be encouraged.  And something about the movie yesterday allowed men to make fun of rape and murder and racism, in a way that seemed complicit.  No women laughed.  This might not have been a failure of the filmmaker but rather a statement of the culture at this time, as my friend suggested.  But coupled with derogatory labels for women flung around, it makes fun of the rape and murder of women every day almost every hour.  I couldn't stomach it.  Don't add fuel to the fire by your word choice.  I believe this film might have been edited in a way that addressed the issues more directly so that the audience cannot get sidetracked by outrageous quips and sudden twists in the plot.  And then, perhaps, the film would better honor the characters it created.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband is still asleep, trying to fight off a cold and cough.  He really had trouble last night, until I suggested he use three pillows under his head.  He probably picked it up on the plane or at his chorus rehearsal.  He loves to sing, but unfortunately he now gets these chronic tickle coughs when he does so.  It's very frustrating for him.  Not much you can do with hundreds of open mouths spraying all around you.  It's kind of like the movie "Outbreak" with the scene in the movie theater.  I'm afraid we're at an age when the things we most love are becoming difficult to do.  I get knee twinges when I carry around my grandsons, he gets the cough when he sings.  We're not as hearty as we were.  Accepting this aging is difficult, even though we all joke about it.  As my Zen teacher used to say:  "Old age is not for sissies".  Yet it brings many blessings as well, such as clarity, a modicum of wisdom, and delightful grandchildren.  Life, as usual, is more complex than it at first seems.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I feel kind of disconnected.  Partially, because I've been away from home so much, and also because my worry for our daughter feels isolating.  I'm trying to remedy the situation by seeing friends one at a time in the next few days.  But as my husband said to our doctor, he was not depressed but sad and stunned.  When an illness hits a family there is shock and an inability to immediately adjust.  We are praying and fighting and worried and without enough information to feel either hopeful or take action.  This is the waiting period.  She's tolerating the treatments, now to see if they are working.  For her it must be much the same only more so.  She's going on about her life, but underneath is the unknown.  She's brave and fierce, and her strength will help.  We only have to emulate her.  And keep connected to everyone who wishes us well and supports us.