Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I just returned from two weeks at our cabin, first with our older son, wife and grandson, then our younger daughter, her husband and baby grandson.  It was fun.  Seeing the world through fresh new eyes is always a treat.  The trees, the wildflowers, the lake, the birds:  magic!  One grandson learned how to identify and say "Ponderosa Pine" and the other learned to crawl.  How blessed we felt.  We woke up at dawn, and the day for the little ones was over before dusk.  How I admire my kids for their energy.  I don't know how I did it!  The weeks were filled with appreciation and love and minute to minute presence, which is necessary with young children, and benefits us so much.  I'm grateful.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday I walked with an old friend, one with whom I've had my ups and downs.  I detached a bit, enough to feel healthy and not full of expectations of her.  Now when we meet it's relaxing and cosy, because I'm not her judge by proxy and she's not someone to whom I reveal my deepest feelings.  Neither of us feels rejected anymore.  So she asked about separate rooms on a little retreat we are doing in September and I said I'd like a separate room, because she admits she coughs.  I wanted so badly to agree to share, but it wouldn't have been honest and frankly, I don't think I would have slept.  She was utterly graceful about it, and made my taking care of myself easy.  I appreciate that sensitivity on her part.  It's one of the things that keeps this long friendship viable, despite some rocky moments.  We've both learned more about ourselves and our shared meditation practices help that along. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm compiling the poems I've written about my grandchildren and realize they are love poems.  They speak of the joy and complexity of being a grandparent and also the individuality of each child.  It is a gift to have grandchildren and be their witness.  Two days ago I was outside a restaurant holding my littlest grandson while my husband and daughter finished their meal and a stranger stopped and showed me his twin grandchildren, a boy and a girl.  Before he left I knew their weights at birth, that their mother had had a C section, and various details both intimate and funny.  He was gushing.  The cliche is that it is the grandmothers that do that, but here he was, giddy and apologizing while she showed yet another photo of them.  He was in love.  I understood completely.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Wow!  I've read two amazing memoirs in one week:  "Hunger" by Roxane Gay, then Sherman Alexie's "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me".  Both raw and real and passionate.  Both as complex as people's lives really are.  Both involved the writer being raped as a child.  Both triumphant in strengthening their voices and points of view.  Such writing energizes me.  It has the shivery chill of truth.  It inspires me to be more truthful and hug the goal of right speech.  I love the way Alexie mixes poetry and prose and therefore makes the writing multidimensional.  How joyous great writing is, no matter what the subject matter.  How freeing.  And maybe it's my age, but memoir is my favorite reading material.  Next is biography, and then history.  What a turnabout for me.  Stories, stories, stories of real people living life the messy, true way.  Wow!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday, my teacher Anam Thubten discussed "How will this day unfold?", about expectation and surprise.  We never know what the day will bring.  We may be looking forward to a walk with a friend and trip and fall and be bedridden for the next several weeks.  We may dread a meal with family and be surprised by the kindness and closeness we feel.  My former teacher, Yvonne Rand, used to school us in "don't know", about not having expectations and our inability to control what happens.  Anam said that setting our intention first thing in the morning helps us stay balanced and prepared for what we are not prepared for.  If we greet the day with an awakened heart (Bodhicitta) we will experience kindness and compassion for whatever occurs.  Surprise is not our enemy.  It may have much to teach us about ourselves and others.  It shows us our expectations and delusions.  So I greet this day with gratitude for my life and determination to respond with kindness to whatever happens.  And I'll ruefully notice when that old black magic expectation creeps in.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm beginning to sign petitions again.  That's how I know I'm back and not on vacation.  I loved not seeing or hearing anything about what was going on in Washington D.C. but I AM a citizen, so back to the grind.  I'm discouraged about letters to the editor, though, because none of mine have been published.  Yesterday and today were hot here, and though I love it, I slow way down and amble my way through the day.  Today will be all about laziness.  We saw "Maudie" yesterday, with Sally Hawkins and Ethan Hawke.  It was Maudie Lewis' story.  She was a folk artist in Nova Scotia, and her work gained worldwide recognition in her lifetime.  It's a sweet story, of two misfits who found each other, learned to love and support one another, and stayed in their tiny house to the end of their days.  It shows rather than tells what creativity is, and the images are beautiful and wise.  I wept at the sheer tenderness of the endeavor of surviving, living and growing into who you are meant to be.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm reading Roxane Gay's Hunger, and it is so immediate and direct and powerful and honest that it stands as a Right Speech beacon.  It makes me want to be raw and true as she is.  But I'm afraid of the people I might hurt if I ever was so transparent.  That is the balance, isn't it?  Between being your true self and speaking who you are and hurting others in that indulgence?  How to walk the tightrope - that is the question.  So there is more silence and more caution and less sharing, at least in my case.  I first noticed my father's bluntness hurt others, and swore not to be that way.  But in my mind, was this ready reserve of sarcasm, like knives ready to be unsheathed.  So I began to distrust my impulses and keep my own counsel, as they say.  Then I developed the "pause", and practice "thinking it over" before speaking.  Have I gone too far the other way?  It's hard to say.  But sometimes I long to say what I'm really thinking, but I don't trust the other person or myself.  I'm caged, a bit.  Is this civilization and wisdom or fear and lack of confidence in my right to my voice?  I don't know.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had dinner with friends last night.  They are on their way out of town and we just came back:  thus is summer.  Ships passing in the night.  But all the trips are happy ones and it's great to feel we can still have these choices of going new places and seeing new things.  And just as I had to be careful about my knees, my friend has bursitis and will have to be gentle with her foot.  We travel, but not fleetly of foot!  I hope to catch up with more friends in the coming days.  I went to a writer's group meeting yesterday morning and it was so good to see my friends.  I brought my grandbaby and another friend brought her two preschool grandchildren.  They were so sweet and my grandson was of course fascinated with them.  He knows little people when he sees them.  I didn't get much catching up done, but the environment was warm and welcoming.  I am blessed.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

What a wonderful experience we've just had.  My husband, my friend and I went to Canada and enjoyed the people, the history, the food, the geography.  We walked a lot and at the end, a plane was delayed and at our destination my friend's bag was not on the carousel, so she is waiting for it to be delivered to her home in another state.  But, all in all, given the state of our knees and backs, we were intrepid.  What is invigorating is the engagement with another language and culture.  We learned a lot about our neighbor country.  The food was amazing.  The other group participants were from all over and different as well, which was challenging and heartening.  Two days ago we celebrated Canada Day - 150 years as a nation.  Today we celebrate Fourth of July!  North America is quite a place and I feel lucky to be living here!