Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm getting too many emails about political issues.  They are all important and need addressing, but I'm on overload.  The more you sign a petition the more they email you.  Most beg for money.  Keeping informed is taking a toll on me.  I've begun to just trash them without reading.  One or two or four I could absorb, but not twenty a day.  Does this work?  Not for me.  I'm going to unsubscribe and clean up my mail, because right now people are pushing me to buy, buy, buy and call, call, call and stress, stress, stress.  I've cut out the home page news, TV and am very selective about the newspaper, but nothing gives me an oasis of peace.  I feel we are all abused with information overload and the result is turning a deaf ear to valid news when it comes our way.  We shut down and don't listen to others and that is what media has done for us.  Nobody can feel informed now.  We're all ignorant armies marching at night.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I received an email today from my older two kids' stepmom.  We are really close friends, though she lives in Europe.  She expressed her sadness at the death of our dog, and generally touched base with me.  I love hearing from her because she is supportive, but funny and honest.  We have outlived our mutual husband by over thirty years.  He didn't see his kids grown, graduated, married or with kids.  But she stands in for him, and her son, their half brother, is like a son to us.  You know the cliche, "feel the love"?  Well, with them, I do.  She has been to all the kids' weddings, and will be out again for the last one, in the fall.  She's literally "there for us".  We could have been enemies, or resented each other, or competed with each other, or caused trouble for our kids, but we chose to take the high road, and wound up being like sisters.  Life is amazing!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My grandson and I had a good day.  For the first time, he fell asleep while I was giving him the bottle, and I let him sleep in my arms.  He held my finger with his hand the whole time.  When we were strolling, he pulled forward to sit up more, and was looking at everything around him.  He usually falls asleep in the stroller, but he was curious and taking it all in.  I hadn't seen him in only four days, but he's changed, and relating to the world in different ways and absorbing all he can.  He had a couple of bouts of talking to me, and though I have no idea what he's telling me, I appreciate the fact that he wants to tell me.  He knows that is what it is to be human.  What a blessing I'm having this experience with my grandchildren:  seeing again what life is about and how amazing and precious it is!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've just returned from a visit to my daughter and granddaughter.  Carefulness in right speech was foremost in my mind, and I feel all of us exerted right effort to make the visit loving and supportive.  Thus, during the long trip driving home, I had no regrets, and was not mulling over statements others said.  We're all square, as people used to say.  I'm happy with how the two of them are doing, and appreciate how rich their lives are and how blessed by friends and meaningful work and school.  They are thriving.  What more can any parent or grandparent ask?

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had a great time with our grandson on the weekend.  He is bubbling with enthusiasm about language and proud of his "words".  He has an amazing vocabulary for an eighteen month old, and when I brought him a barn he got that word instantly.  He called the cow a giraffe, and the dog a chicken.  I could see the cow's spots looked giraffey, and the dog had a ruff that was yellow.  I explained to him that chickens only had two legs, but he was undeterred.  Though this chicken had four legs and a long tail and a long snout, the coloring trumped the anotomical details.  He struggles pronouncing "grandma" and it comes out "grandem" or something similar.  He got the egg hunt, even though it was just him.  In fact, he found four eggs before we began the hunt.  He bit right into the shell of each.  With encouragement and a bit of guidance he found all eighteen and there they were, tucked in his basket, which he carried mightily despite the heaviness.  He was so exhausted, that after brunch he fell asleep in the carseat and didn't wake up for hours.  It was hard work, but he managed to entertain and delight us alal.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm talking a lot to my baby grandson and he is verbalizing right back.  I may not know what he's saying, but I'm certain he's communicating.  I repeat the sounds he makes, and he sometimes repeats my sounds.  Today I was showing him an owl finger puppet and saying "hoo" and he said it back.  What is going on in that little mind is pretty amazing.  I get to be a witness to the birth of language in a human, and how extraordinary it is.  He will recognize words soon, if not already, words like "mommy" and "daddy" and "kitty".  He knows already that his job is to master language and therefore make his needs known.  You can see him go on overwhelm when he's processing so much he can't take another thing in.  But there is joy.  He feels a part of it all:  his family and world.  The baby bird is chirping, and it is a song of humanity.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I just called to wish a friend happy birthday.  I always sing the song, silly as it is.  I figure as time goes on we don't necessarily get a cake, or have balloons, or have family around that day to sing to us, so I want to be sure that on the actual day, the person knows I'm celebrating their birth.  A lot of us are immersed in grandchildren's parties and piano recitals and baby showers and weddings, but our day gets lost in the shuffle.  I try to make up a bit for that.  The day a person is born is special, and one of the best reasons to celebrate that I can think of.  This person is in the world, and my world is the better for it.  Friends are important, or in my case, essential.  I don't take their presence for granted.  So if singing over the phone is ridiculous, I'm willing to be ridiculous.  My joy is in my family and friends.  They make my life richer and supported by love.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I babysat our grandson for a long period yesterday:  from 2:30 pm to 11:30 pm.  We strolled him and played on the floor, we walked him around and he looked at his favorite things in our house, but after one bottle and one nap he'd pretty much had enough, and began crying.  I knew what he was saying:  where's mommy and daddy and my house and my things and this has gone on TOO LONG!  I strolled him inside the house and he fell asleep for an hour, then woke up, took part of a bottle, I got him in his sleep gear, and he was DONE.  Luckily, it was around his bedtime, and my husband strolled him again.  I'd tried the bottle and portacrib, but no way.  This time I put the stroller next to my chair and proceeded to listen to him breathe and snore and murmur.  He did not wake up, having taken the hint that this was going to be a very long evening and he didn't chose to witness any of it.  When they finally arrived, daddy carried him out to the car still fast asleep.  He was not going to open his eyes until he was home, that was for sure.  My husband and I were exhausted, but relieved that baby had cooperated and seen the lay of the land.  When in doubt, hibernate!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday I had tea with an old friend from a Buddhist study group.  We have kids the same age, though her grandchildren are older.  We both have an interest in knitting, and we have been to many a retreat together over the years.  Now we are integrating our practice more directly into our lives, without the aid of time away.  She just had hip surgery and is doing well, and I had my knee brace on, so we know our limitations these days.  She had a sister who died, her only sibling, and I my brother.  We touch base on this loss usually, and yesterday was no exception.  And she has a daughter-in-law who is becoming more and more successful in the literary world, and I have a daughter on that road as well.  It's relaxing to discuss personal issues in a careful, non-gossipy way with another Buddhist who knows how to keep her intentions in mind.  I also had another day this week when I was with another Buddhist swim buddy, and our heartfelt talking was also carefully and gently framed by good intentions.  I'm easily distracted into gossip that may be harmful, so I appreciate the ease of these friends.  We know and understand the ground rules to speech.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our dog is old, and she hates the rain.  Last night was a deluge of rain and she refused to go out before bedtime, and as she is 70 pounds we can't make her.  So she woke us up several times in the night, and the way she does it is irrational and not helpful:  she doesn't bark, she lumbers up the stairs making a huge amount of noise.  Sometimes she makes noise at the bottom of the stairs when she's really tired.  But though she barks at dogs not on leash and German Shepherds on priniciple, as well as when greeting people at the door, she will not bark.  So you are sound asleep and dreaming and suddenly you hear a burglar sneaking up the stairs to rob you, but no, it's your own dog turning sleep to nightmare.  We cannot negotiate this with our dog.  She does what she does for secret reasons.  Perhaps she thinks its rude to bark at your owners.  Maybe she is lonely now that her companion dog died.  We don't know.  We will never know.  So she has situated herself the way she prefers, and we are getting less sleep, and we know who is really in charge.  We've always known.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had dinner with our daughter's inlaws last night, and any worry about what to talk about or interests we share has been utterly dissolved by our mutual grandson.  He was the center of attention and his exploits provided all the topics we needed to bond.  And I did feel closer to them afterwards.  They are doing a great job of caring for him while our daughter works, and it gives me a break, which I needed as I picked up our grandson's cold and cough last week.  We are a mutual admiration society for the benefit of the baby, and all our speech is tinged with the joy of him.  We each took turns holding him as we were eating dinner, and shared tricks we'd learned to entertain him.  Then his parents swept him away for bath and bedtime, and we said goodbye and went home.  I knew from experience that the other grandparents needed rest, lots of rest, to babysit today.  We old folks have to stick together!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

When to speak up and when to wait?  What are you speaking up for?  Are you helping someone by speaking or will it hurt in some unintended way?  Do you have all the information you need to speak up?  Will you be a listener no matter what the response is from the other person?  All these considerations must be part of a mindful way of life.  I ask less questions than I used to, but listen more.  I am more likely to ask follow up questions to a subject my friend has introduced, rather than bringing up what might be a sticky topic and upsetting the friend.  Most things don't need to be discussed.  Gratitude and expressions of affection are good.  But probing is not.  I now realize how private a person I am and I protect myself more these days.  That in turn requires me to respect other's privacy.  Instead of "knowing" a person from what they say, I try to "feel" a person's state.  My heart leads more as I get older.  When my head is busy rehearsing what to say, I shut that line of thought down and let go.  What needs to be revealed will be, but maybe by body language, expressions or a feeling sense.  I used to process a lot through my mind, but not so much now.  I visualize my heart as a book with ears and open it up to listen that way.  As a consequence, I'm a kinder, gentler person these days.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I love serendipity!  Yesterday I walked over to pick up my new glasses, and the woman who helped me had my same name and though much younger than I has the same eye disease I have.  We talked about that, about her being from an immigrant family, the sense that she has of being hassled at airports, and what we have experienced about this new tone in the country.  She got cancer as a teenager and has had radiation and chemo multiple times, which caused her eye problems.  She was diagnosed with the disease at 32.  Yet she is fully alive and crackling with positive energy.  We parted promising to pray for each other and our families.  We hugged.  The connection was swift but bone deep.  And last night I prayed for her.  Such a wonderful spirit should flourish.  When I first saw her I would never have thought we had anything in common:  she's the age of my children, different background, education, and life.  But we clicked instantly.  Proof that if you remain open to the world gifts abound. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I accidentally deleted my home page and have been lakidaisical about fixing it.  Now I'm beginning to think it's for the best.  I can still get news, if needs be, from my phone, but now that's it.  I don't read articles on the computer, and as I don't watch TV news or listen to news any longer in the car (I've switched to the classical station) I'm not bombarded by news.  In my email I receive calls to sign petitions or take actions, and I read those, as it's a quick and easy way to help causes that I care about.  But really, the news is nine tenths recycling, and most of it is not my interest.  So right speech for me is about selecting what I fill my head with, like the straw of the the man in the Wizard of Oz.  I'm liking not knowing:  I've filtered out a lot of unnecessary information, and the important stuff gets through somehow by osmosis anyway.  Plus I have friends eager to tell me what they think is urgent, and now I am a more interested listener.  So home page goodbye, and tranquillity hello.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I finished a novel yesterday about Camille Pissarro.  Actually, more of an imagining of his orgins, especially his mother's life.  What is delightful is having the experience of seeing his paintings and then seeing them become even more vivid with the history behind them.  Alice Hoffman wrote the book, and her admiration of Pissarro is obvious.  I don't enjoy criticism when it tears down the subject.  I appreciate enthusiasm.  Pissarro's life is so extraordinary:  he was born and raised on St. Thomas, then went to Paris, then came home, then spent years in Venezuela, then to Paris again.  He married a servant, which upset his mother greatly.  Yet his mother's life was also fraught with risks, and radical departures from traditional life.  She was Jewish, yet believed in all the island magic and spirits.  After her first husband died, she married his nephew, years younger, and had still more children, one of whom was Camille.  She was strong willed and independent, yet yoked in by custom and the time.  In the end, she lived in Paris, not far from her son, and lavished love on his children that she'd seemingly withheld from him.  Hoffman makes us see her influence on her son; the patterns that parallel in both their lives.  Her magical stories became his magical canvases.  Hoffman's book brings alive the artist and the meaning of his work, and speaks up for both beautifully.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm going up to see my granddaughter in a couple of weeks and I'm getting excited.  She'll be nine, and she's a fascinating character.  She was strong willed from the get go, and I love little girls with opinions.  I like the feisty ones, and identify.  I heard my mother complain about me often enough that I can reconstruct my nature.  I defied her, and was not "proper".  She said as a toddler when we took the bus in Kansas City that I would go up to strangers and say, "You want to see me sing and dance?"  I'm still kind of like that, though I had a shy streak as well, and needed time by myself.  Reading was my salvation, though my mother was constantly urging me to go outside and get fresh air.  The result:  I read in the woods, in the fields, in barns and under trees.  My granddaughter is a great reader as well, and imaginative and amazingly well informed as a result.  She has her own online newspaper, her political opinions and a voracity for life.  She got it from her mother, but her mother got some of it from me!