Last night we had dinner with our younger son and his partner. It was relaxed and pleasant. They seem so perfect for each other, but I've learned that I really have no idea about my grown kids' lives and their relationships. My impulse is to want them to marry, because that has been my path. But there are other options, and I've seen my share of miserable married people, and was one myself in my first marriage, so what do I know?
I don't believe I need affirmation of my lifestyle, so I must really be pretty happy in my own marriage. This impulse of mine says nothing about our son and everything about me. I like the compromise you have to buck up to in marriage. It trained me up for other relationships and for parenthood. I like hanging in when the going gets tough. Every relationship goes through cycles and has high points and low points. I even like the work required when miscommunication occurs and we have to back off and come at the problem from another direction. I like learning that you can't change the other person. Waste of time. So then it occurs to you you can only change yourself, so you set to work on fixing yourself and that is rewarding in spades.
I like commitment and loyalty. I'm slow as molasses to trust and when I do I'm there for you. I'm not afraid of commitment, because the opposite is rootlessness and no intimacy. Jump off the cliff, dive into the ocean and swim like crazy. That's how you feel truly alive. But that's just me. As my Dad used to say, "Whatever floats your boat".
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