My younger daughter and I had a talk about comparisons and ranking yesterday. She was disturbed by someone doing it, though it was supposedly in fun, and I told her Buddhists feel that comparisons are unwholesome. They don't serve any positive function. Our culture gets us in the habit and before we know it we are ranking friends, restaurants, experiences. I used to ask the kids when they were young which was their favorite painting in a museum, but that was to get them talking about art. I feel I've judged myself and others too harshly at times. And judgement is what comparisons are about. One week your college team is number 4 and the next number 12. Does it matter? Only if you are unable to enjoying watching the playing irregardless of the score. If the playing is good, who cares who won in the 24th inning?
Comparison is often about unconscious habits and insecurity. We feel others are judging us so we get in our lick first. We want to be loved, even by those whom we're not even close to. It's a conversation habit as well, discussing which restaurants and what we ordered. It is trying to connect, but it is more than informational, because it seems to matter whether you've been or not. Since I've mostly never been, and never will go, for me the connecting doesn't happen. I do enjoy hearing the descriptions though, and I'm happy that this night out has given the person pleasure. So it's mixed.
I swore off comparisons quite a while ago, and I've felt happier since. It's like a snapping turtle that you can hold from the back, but suddenly the neck swoops around and you're bitten. Better not to pick up the tricky critter!
No comments:
Post a Comment