Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our dog has hurt her neck and we feel so bad for her.  She's all drugged up and all but immovable.  Tone of voice is everything with her, though she has quite a few words she knows.  It's a dark and dismal day with a sprinkling of rain, and we're being very quiet to keep her calm and our other dog from getting too bouncy around her.  Poor baby with a sympathetic tone is the order of the day.

I feel like perhaps we should all have an occasional day like this, when all is quiet, as in the Christmas song.  No words.  Not a retreat exactly, but a soothing, restful day with tasks getting done, but gently.  A break from the barrage of words and even thoughts of the holidays.  It will all get done, and there really is no rush.  Peace be upon us.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My younger daughter and I had a talk about comparisons and ranking yesterday.  She was disturbed by someone doing it, though it was supposedly in fun, and I told her Buddhists feel that comparisons are unwholesome.  They don't serve any positive function.  Our culture gets us in the habit and before we know it we are ranking friends, restaurants, experiences.  I used to ask the kids when they were young which was their favorite painting in a museum, but that was to get them talking about art.  I feel I've judged myself and others too harshly at times.  And judgement is what comparisons are about.  One week your college team is number 4 and the next number 12.  Does it matter?  Only if you are unable to enjoying watching the playing irregardless of the score.  If the playing is good, who cares who won in the 24th inning?

Comparison is often about unconscious habits and insecurity.  We feel others are judging us so we get in our lick first.  We want to be loved, even by those whom we're not even close to.  It's a conversation habit as well, discussing which restaurants and what we ordered.  It is trying to connect, but it is more than informational, because it seems to matter whether you've been or not.  Since I've mostly never been, and never will go, for me the connecting doesn't happen.  I do enjoy hearing the descriptions though, and I'm happy that this night out has given the person pleasure.  So it's mixed. 

I swore off comparisons quite a while ago, and I've felt happier since.  It's like a snapping turtle that you can hold from the back, but suddenly the neck swoops around and you're bitten.  Better not to pick up the tricky critter!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had a small, cosy Thanksgiving at our son and daughter-in-law's house, where the talk was mellow and mostly about the meal, as it took all of us to get all the food prepared and heated and ready.  Our right speech wasn't speech at all, but taking turns holding the baby.  He was fussy at first then settled in to a deep sleep with whichever of us was holding him.  His little warm body, fuzzy head and soft skin melted all of us.  There was no need to making sweeping statements of gratitude:  we were all aware that this new little person in our family was a great blessing.

We didn't talk politics, though we are pretty much in agreement on most issues, and we are all so interested in food preparation that we shared our recipes and complimented each other, pleased with the results.  Then we divided the leftovers fairly and each went home with a treat for another day.  Our younger son and older daughter called us, and we had a message from the stepmom of the older two kids, and our circle was complete.  I feel so blessed with our family, and our intentions to embrace each other and expand the love. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Thanksgiving is about right speech:  gratitude.  Whether we articulate gratitude in a prayer before the meal or not, our hearts, when we are with loved ones, enlarge with belonging and connectedness.  I know there is a movie out right now about a disfunctional family, and I enjoyed Jodie Foster's movie a few years ago about the secrets and lies and turmoil in a family during a holiday reunion.  There is some of that in the mix of every family.  So we're not perfect; at least we're trying.  Families if they are wise call a truce around the table and the football game on TV and the walk among the colorful fall leaves.  They attempt to not take offense at an offhand remark and change the subject if a political debate is about to ensue. 

If most Thanksgiving get togethers don't meet our expectations, then we need to see what is, not what we'd like it to be, and appreciate the effort to come together and the fortunate situation we find ourselves in when eating too much is a problem and the kids drive us a bit crazy.  We have kids that drive us crazy and that is a blessing. 

I used to go to classrooms and describe the REAL first Thanksgiving, from the Indians' point of view.  Who really helped who and how that model of cooperation and trust was quickly destroyed.  Not out of bitterness, but out of the stone cold fact of interdependence necessary to life, all life.  We began on the right note, then people turned against each other out of fear of the other, misunderstanding and greed.  That lesson is always and forever relevant.  We need to recognize our interdependence as a nation and that our diversity enriches all our lives.  I for one am grateful.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today we had a brief rain, but it was encouraging.  The garden sighed in ecstasy.  The dogs were vastly relieved when I got out the leashes.  They even leaped around a bit, like puppies, elderly though they are.  I liked wearing my raincoat and rubber clogs.  I felt like Christopher Robin.  The weather forecast, which is almost always inaccurate speech, was wrong about the duration and amount of rain, but hey, they're only human.  It was the perfect day to talk to my friend up north.  And since she felt the same, that's exactly what we did.  We had semi-serious topics and trivial pursuits.  We were catching up and checking in and witnessing each others lives.  After that connection, I'm ready for a few mundane tasks and dinner preparation and reading in one of the three books I'm currently juggling.  I have a Buddhist book, a memoir and a book about racism as experienced by one very perceptive man.  I can listen to my new Adele CD.  All is right with the world. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We saw the film "Spotlight" today, and what struck me was the silence that was the evil.  Many people knew about the pedophilia in the Catholic Church in Boston, but the conspired to keep it a secret and those who wanted to expose the truth were pressured to not address an issue that was causing more and more children to be molested without any concern for stopping a widespread practice.  The victims were thus shamed further by the secrecy and sense that they were going against God and the church if they spoke up.  They believed they would hurt their families.

Children had no rights, not even the right to be safe with priests and in the church.  Right speech is telling not just for your own spirit but to prevent further abuse.  There are children to protect and defend, and few took up that cause.  Even now this behavior is protected rather than the children and now adults who have suffered for their trust in their faith.  I can't imagine a worse betrayal.

The film is powerful and engrossing without being melodramatic or sensationalistic.  I hope many people will see it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I was visiting my new grandson the last couple of days, and he's beginning to speak.  He coos and imitates sounds and seems to say hi.  His communication efforts are greatly appreciated by all the family.  There are smiles now and excitement as he listens to us and responds.  What a miracle a baby is.  He is only six weeks old, but he's such a person in his own right.  The thrill of language and speech will be felt again because of him.  Right now tone is of the essence, but in a few months he will be really understanding what we say, and he will be venturing his own brand new shiny words.

The joy of new life reminds us that there is so much joy in living and that all the miracles are the little, everyday ones.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday my granddaughter and I encountered, for the second time in a month, belligerent customers in a craft store who were swearing and threatening the cashier.  She in turn called security, and it was as if someone had exploded a bomb in the middle of a peaceful purchase of paper and flowers for a ten year old's creative ideas.  I almost rushed her out, but the rucus settled down and we paid and quickly left.  In the car, we discussed how scary the incident was and how people can be really angry and take it out on innocent people.  That led to discussing how she felt men were scarier than women, and I said that was natural, as men are often quite a bit bigger than women.  Then we discussed how different cultural groups behave differently and can make each other nervous.  These women we had witnessed had an in-your-face attitude and so did the clerk.  A lot a female dog terminology was used.  I told my granddaughter that some people feel that kind of language is normal, probably because they've heard it from the time they were kids.

All in all, I won't likely go to that store again with my granddaughter, but we had some helpful conversation about how angry speech can be frightening and that it is better not to answer back, but just get out of the way of the conflict as quickly as possible.  For people who don't care how they behave in front of children, well, they have my compassion that their lives have been so volatile that they can't pause for appropriate language and behavior.  But I don't want to be around them.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My son and I have been texting a lot, and surprise, surprise, it has been tender and meaningful to me.  Almost every day he sends me a photo of my grandson, and we oh and ah over his adorableness and share our delight.  Texting doesn't have to be cold and abrupt.  It can be a sweet way of instant love and connection. 

Each form can be used to distance ourselves from others or get closer.  Email, tweeting, texting, blogging can be used for both purposes.  I wouldn't recommend asking someone to marry you via your computer, and I believe in cards for sympathy and events.  But the intention is the thing.  Are you hiding or being your most transparent self?  I'm reading a book that is so deep and thought provoking and it began as a blog:  A Year of Living Virtuously (With Weekends Off) by Teresa Jordan.  She took quotes from Ben Franklin and applied them to her particular life, and the result is terrific. 

So if we bring our whole heart to our text, it can knit us to the other person in a new way.  Our joy at this new little baby is overflowing and in expressible, but the texting captures a bit of it. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

The tragedy in Paris on Friday outlines the situation when a group wants no part of speech, except credit for violent acts.  They cannot be negotiated with, because there is nothing they want.  Their suicide mission people know they will die, and their purpose is to kill as many innocent people as possible.  They don't want anything.  Mass suffering is their message.  Diplomacy doesn't enter into the picture, and neither does hope or a future.  When we have no speech we have no ability to connect with the other.

I notice that a graphic of the peace sign with the effiel tower in the center is better speech for those mourning, but even that symbol means nothing to Isis.  Closed off from hearing or seeing anything by the claustrophobia of the hidden life of the cell, these young men are beyond speech.  They have listened to a promise and then closed their ears, eyes and hearts to any other point of view.  The despair they must experience to enter that state is devastating to imagine.

Our despair is the sudden, seeming randomness of these attacks.  How does one prepare?  You cannot.  You go on living your life in affirmation.  You treasure the gift of life, however long it lasts.  Perhaps we all have the impulse to speak words of love and gratitude even more frequently.  We speak for those silenced and those who have moved beyond speech into the eclipse of the soul.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We've just returned from a holiday in Hawaii for a week.  Lots of Aloha and Mahalo and friendliness all around, culminated last night on the plane by a family willing to switch a seat so my husband and I could sit together, and a tolerate group of travelers surrounded by crying babies and toddlers who were good natured and tolerant.  No one showed signs of grumpiness, and we all endured an hour of turbulence.  The flight attendants were kind and joyful, and that really helped us.  It sounds simple, but we've all been on planes where the attendants ignored us and people snapped at others.  So this flight was a real gift.

Sounds like no biggie, but in fact, it's the little things...  If we practice kind speech in these random situations, we build our believe in people and ourselves.  It matters.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last week I had to voice mails on my answering machine and later two on my cell phone.  The messages were garbled at the beginning but threatened legal consequences if the notice was disregarded, and ended with the number to return the call immediately.  I erased the messages on the phone, but the following week, I noticed on the voicemails on the cell phone that it said "Sacramento, Main DA".  Was it the district attorney calling.  I showed them to my husband who looked up on line and discovered it was a scam and many people related how they'd called the number and it was completely phony.  I'm grateful I gotten more cautious, but was appalled at how genuine the message appeared to be.

So much wrong speech is besieging us that it feels unsafe to return any calls if it's not a friend.  The communication device is isolating us.  My favorite is "Unavailable 1".  If they are so unavailable I guess I will be too.  They want to keep their privacy while invading ours.  Then there are the names that make it seem like a person, but when you pick up it's someone trying to get you to donate to an organization.  Even the phone company and my bank attack me with messages that make me think something is wrong, but not really.  They want to SELL me something as well.  Give me a break!

I'm not sure why we're not better protected from these misery makers, but it seems to have something to do with the surrender of protection of privacy on all fronts.  We're going to regret this, and I already do, but the genie cannot be stuffed back in the bottle.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm about to go on a week's vacation.  It has been incredibly difficult to carve out this time, and we have worries about leaving our dogs at the kennel, because they are old.  I'm tugged toward our new grandson and the help he might need or more to the point his exhausted parents.  There are voices in my head listing what I must not forget to bring and what I might be missing in my overstuffed bag.  Traveling rattles most of us.  At least the transition does.  So we talk ourselves down.  We don't watch airplane crash movies leading up to the trip.  We try to remember what it is that's nagging at us.  The phone cord?  Did we tell our son the right time to pick us up?

This is anxiety chattering at us like squirrels in a tree.  It's noisy, even though it's silent to the outer world.  And then you snap your seat belt and whatever didn't get done is lost, because the time for doing has come and gone and now you can just be.  Whatever you brought with you will do, or can be fixed once you get there.  

And in my case there will be no email or blog or phone calls.  Yes, I'll have my cell for important communications if necessary, but I'll be turned off, so to speak.  My eyes will take over and my senses, and the brain will be resting.  I plan to nap a lot and stare at the ocean and try not to eat too much.  I'll be in the warm water getting elemental, my dear Watson.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday my daughter and I saw the film "Truth", and it was interesting and pertinent to politics today.  First of all, it did delineate the facts of the CBS 60 Minutes piece a few years ago on George Bush's military service.  I'd never read about it in detail.  Secondly, it clarified the incidents around Dan Rather's retirement and Mary Mapes' firing.  It made me sad, because journalism is so discouraged these days that tough stories don't get out.  The clout of politicians and CEOs and others suppresses the truth.  I've personally felt the 2000 election was compromised by the Supreme Court, and the loser took office by trickery.  But the 2004 election looks to have been affected as well, because the story on Bush was squashed, and Kerry's war record was distorted and maligned. 

We deserve to get a fuller accounting even if it arrives too late.  We also need to make the effort necessary to pursue stories ourselves and demand information.  When we give up, there is no incentive for news to fight the Goliaths to get to what happened.  So the state of the media is in large part our fault.  We'd rather be entertained than informed.  Right speech is speaking up when no one else seems to care or accuses you of being left leaning, or biased or unfair.  Tell both sides, but tell them completely.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I heard from my son that Benedict Cumberbatch is using his celebrity to speak out for more Syrian refugees being admitted to the UK.  I remember seeing something about his live performance of Hamlet being hampered by lots of flashes on phones going off.  He spoke out about how it distracted the actors and affected the performances.  I guess now he's decided if he's going to receive this amount of attention it might as well be for an important issue, not who he's dating.  In our fame based culture, at least some targets are speaking up about clean water, domestic abuse, women's equal pay for equal work and other concerns.

If it's a crazy world, let's transform the craziness into action to help other beings.  It's just a fact that these celebrities have huge power, and if we're seeing it on the negative side with Donald Trump, we're also seeing a positive, less self-serving impulse to direct attention away from the star and toward the person in need.  Is the glass half-empty or half-full.  Only you can decide.