Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm so discouraged about selling my brother's house, as the offers, realtors and potential buyers are the definition of forked tongue speech.  Transparently selfish and wishing to box me into a corner, they make promises, renege and have no follow through.  I'm attempting to speak plainly, and receiving nothing back but lies and manipulations.  I have a bad headache today, and no confidencee that this current offer will close, even though the house is going for a bargain and I've agreed to put money towards a new, unnecessary air conditioning system. 

I know I've been straight and honest, and that's all the comfort I'm going to have.  Now I'm up to the cabin where I hope to forget about the house and relax.  So far, my realtor has managed to invade my vacation time in every instance.  We'll see if she's better for the next two weeks. 

I hope to be speaking with the trees and water and sky mainly.  With a bit of socializing thrown in.  No house talk or deals or offers.  Ah.....

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've had a busy and lovely time with my granddaughter and then step-grandsons and daughter and son-in-law.  I don't regret a thing that came out of my mouth.  I listened a lot and learned more about their lives.  My observation is that they are happy and blessed, despite complicated lives and schedules and challenges.  I'm relieved.

That old chestnut "Go with the flow" really has legs.  I didn't worry about what activities we did, I was simply grateful to be with them and notice the little things.  I feel so bonded with my granddaughter and when I left she wouldn't let me go, and I felt the same.  In the best of worlds, I would live nearby and she'd have access to me more often and I to her.  But she's great traveler, and super on an airplane, and seeing each other gets easier and easier. 

Now I will process what I've just experienced, slowly and patiently, while I'm at the cabin for the next two weeks.  Lovely1

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I did a right speech act that is causing me pain.  When a friend was asking my advice about her daughter's offer to pay for a rental if she moved north to help with the baby coming, I said it was an opportunity to not only bond with her granddaughter but also her daughter.  We discussed pros and cons of moving up there, and she has now decided to make the move.  She is renting where she is, so there is not that problem, and she can change her mind if she doesn't like the area.  I think she's made a wise choice, but now I realize and did a bit at the time, that I will really miss her.  We've been talking grandbabies and designing quilts, and generally sharing our joy about these babies, and now I've no one to really talk about this stuff with.  Sigh.

It was a good deed, but all yesterday I felt depressed.  As they say, no good deed goes unpunished.  I will visit her, as she lives where my best friend lives, and after all my best friend and I have weathered the distance, but still.  I'm gloomy.

The right choice is to think of the friend above oneself, but gee. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I heard a lovely speech at our neighborhood Fourth of July parade yesterday.  It was short and to the point, about needing to remember our union as challenging but important, and speaking out when the times call for reframing the founding fathers' intentions.  Everybody seemed pleased to be reminded of our aspirations and our work to be done.  Then neighbor children rang the bell thirteen times for the original states, and we sang Yankee Doodle, American the Beautiful and This Land is Your Land, plus the Star Spangled Banner.  There were lots of kids and dogs, and solemnity coupled with gayety, and watermelon, cotton candy and snow cones to boot.

These events may seem rote until you attend one and find yourself tearing up.  We began with the Pledge of Allegiance, and we came together in pride and solidarity.  Speeches matter.  President Obama's eulogy for Reverend Pinkney reminds us that heartfelt is impactful.  We need to say our love for our country out loud, and our children and grandchildren need to hear US.  I'm not talking about nationalism but gratitude.  For our abundance, our freedoms, and our aspirations as a country of refuge and justice and equal opportunity.  Sure, we aren't there yet, and may never be, but we hold out the hope as a beacon, and that it what counts.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

When I was a teen in the sixties, I was active politically and wanted to see changes in the culture.  Some of those wishes have been fulfilled, and others are still dreams, like the ERA.  And some of what passes for politics is cyclical or two steps forward, one back.  But it wasn't cool to be patrotic.  I'm glad that instead of spitting at Vietnam Veterans, not that I ever felt that way,  we are now compassionate and grateful for current veterans' and their service.  I now like a flag outside my house on the Fourth, and we have one at the cabin.  I enjoy parades, singing the Star Spangled Banner and America the Beautiful.  I've traveled enough to appreciate my country and my life here.  I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

My country right or wrong is still jarring to me, and I think patriotism is turning toward ugly problems, tackling them and doing our part to make our nation better.  Toward a more perfect union:  that means to me that there is always more to be done.  When something like Charleston happens, we realize we cannot become complacent, thinking the wrongs of the past are ancient history.  There is only one flag to fly this day:  that of this union of opposites who struggle and disagree and have strong vying opinions but are united in loving our country passionately and committed to making it better by being active, engaged citizens.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last night at our son's birthday party, we had an interesting conversation with a friend of his we'd met before.  We ended up talking about childhood fears.  We discussed water, spiders, bees, mirrors, and all the obvious scary stuff.  But she had a friend whose child is afraid of wind.  She said it's very difficult to reassure the child, as wind is everywhere and comes up unexpectedly.  We all said we were spooked by thunderstorms, the threat of a tornado, and random acts of nature, but that seems a given.  I mentioned being afraid of ventriloquists, due to seeing a Twilight Zone episode as a child.  But I really, really am afraid of mirrors at times.  I'm afraid there will be somebody else reflected when I look.  My husband admitted he's afraid no one will be there.  Up until that instant, I'd never known that about him, and we've been married 41 years.

It was a strange, but fascinating conversation, and we enjoyed it and each other, even though we were her parents' ages.  It was something about not filtering what we were talking about, but being really honest, even though we hardly knew each other.  I love it when a connection occurs that I don't expect and have no way of orchestrating, and the flow is natural and therefore genuine.  We didn't do "party talk", and I don't know anything more about her really, but I KNOW something very real about who she is, and her ability to engage with people that others her age would dismiss.  It was a delightful feeling.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday, at the eye doctor's, I realized how much I appreciate the staff.  I resolved to tell my doctor and did.  I said how empathetic, kind, intelligent and skillful they all were.  He replied that maybe he was the right person to tell, because he's in charge of firing employees for the four doctors.  I laughed and said I didn't want him to fire any of them, they were terrific. 

And it's true that their sensitivity helps so much.  We are all in there because we fear losing or have lost all or some of our sight.  It's scary stuff.  Yesterday there was a young man accompanied by three relatives.  He had a huge bandage on one eye and was being supported on either side by his companions.  I surmised he'd had an accident.  I prayed for him.  The kindness and gentleness of the staff comforts and soothes us.

The young woman who took my laser scan in my bad eye asked me if I worked and I told her I'd retired from teaching and was enjoying being a student instead.  She asked what kind of classes and I mentioned some film classes I've taken.  She asked for recommendations and I gave her two.  I deeply appreciated her interest and it made me feel like a human being instead of a patient. 

I'm so happy I expressed gratitude to everyone in the office, and on the way out I wished them a happy 4th.  Wherever the opportunity arises to tell someone you appreciate them, make the effort.  You will feel better.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today is an eye injection for me.  Lots of fear arises:  will it go well?  Will the injections stop the bleed?  Will my good eye hold?  I try to do the long breath and be in the moment, not projecting into the future of my vision, which is calming but not entirely.  I pray a lot while I'm waiting in the office for the eye test, the eye drops, the dye injection, the photos in  piercingly bright light, the injection, and what my doctor says to me at the end.

So I am hanging on his speech.  He speaks in right speech, and he is honest, so it may not be what I want to hear.  That is okay.  I'm not the conductor of the world orchestra.  I am a patient like millions of others, and we all want a good outcome and our precious vision to hold.  I am not apart from others in this process.  I am with many more.  My hope is to not add onto the suffering I experience, but to keep it in perspective.  I am alive.  So things happen.  I'm aging, so more things happen.  I am exactly like other human beings.  This is what it is to live fully.