Wandering ALong the Path: Right Speech

My friend has returned from Europe, where she supported her daughter as she gave birth to her granddaughter. She sent me a photo of the adorable baby, and now she is struggling to get back to her life here, when a big part of her feels tied to the baby far away. I had a similar experence when my daughter had her baby in North Africa, and it was so hard to leave after we visited. I was lucky, as my daughter and her husband moved to the west coast after their daughter was a year old, but I missed the first sitting up, crawling, walking, first words etc. At least my friend has another granddaughter nearby, but I did not. It was over seven years before my next grandchild was born. But we adjust. We look at photos and FaceTime. We pull ourselves back into our groups and volunteer work and classes and friends. We learn to make the most of our visits and become intuitive about the perfect toy or book to give to our grandchildren. Loss and gain, gain and loss. We juggle these opposites and try to feel balanced. We are saying goodbye before we say goodbye, and practice, not perfect, is painful but necessary. Their lives are moving beyond our lifespan and we need to ehjoy them while we let go.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I arose at six am today in solidarity with my daughter-in-law, as my grandson was done with sleep at that point. Fortunately, he slept through the night, though he hardly slept the night before, when she was away for work. He has hardly let her out of his sight or arms since she returned. It's sweet, but I can't really help, except by being nearby and awake when she is. Grandma is the old flavor of the month. We met our daughter and family at a nearby park, and we all had a nice time, on the playground, walking around the lake looking at ducks, geese, turtles and fish. There was a wedding taking place in the flower garden and it looked so lovely. After we headed home and had lunch, all the adults spent some time napping while the toddler did. I am reading a thriller called "Falling" by a former flight attendant, but even that couldn't keep me awake. Then my son and I had a discussion about scary movies, mostly about ones we knew we couldn't see, but also ones we regretted seeing. For me those include: Silence of the Lambs, The Shining, Clockwork Orange, and Misery. I wish I could get those entirely out of my head. Luckily, I avoided Psycho, the later Shymalan films, all the horror ones and ghost stories. I love Stephen King, and can read some of his books I cannot watch films of, like Carrie, but I'm careful. We agreed we would never see Get Out again and refuse to see Us. Know thy limits, I say.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We went to the zoo today with three of the grandsons. Two had not had enough sleep, but valiantly trod on until lunchtime, when our son and his two year old went back to our house for a nap, and we stayed on to help with the one year old while the four year old rode the train with his mother. Last time the one year old screamed in terror the whole train ride, so we strolled him around and distracted him. The big hit was the meerkats, followed by the baboons, warthogs (my fave) and giraffes, elephants and hyneas. The huge tortoises were admired as well. With preschoolers, you can't see that many animals, because they need snacks and breaks and potty trips. We were pleased with a new bird habitat, with great views of exotic birds. All the little grandsons are crazy for birds and will look at books about birds for long periods of time. I attempt to promote that interest by providing the books, toy birds and such. The four year old, however, has a fascination with snakes, and if you let him pick out a stuffie in a toy store, his choice is a snake every time. I hope there are no snake pets in his future.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm reading a book I picked up in a tiny independent bookstore, "The Unreality of Memory" by Elisa Gabbert. She is an essayist, who can be found in The New York Times magazine, The New York Review of Books and The Guardian. The essays are engaging, probably because she clearly has done mountains of research, but focuses through her own life and experiences, so you know she is biased and not entirely objective, and she makes this transparent, and therefore easier to trust her. One essay is about insomnia, another about iconic events likes 9/11, the sinking of the Titanic and the Challenger tragedy. She discusses media in the age of Trump and witches in Salem. Her curiousity gives us an opportunity to go back and look at events in our culture and see them with fresh eyes. I'm not intimidated by her encyclopediac knowledge, rather she seems like someone I'd walk with to get a cappuchino. I found this book by being able to brouse, masked, in a local bookstore. I've missed the discovery of books I never knew existed, and didn't know I'd enjoy. Yes, I ordered a ton of books during the pandemic. But I was limited by what my interests already were or book reviews, or recommendations. Now the bookstore can speak to me and the owners and buyers urge me to discover new ideas, writers, and worlds. So satisfying.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday I read a little book, the first time it has been published without the photographs that accompanied the original table top book with Richard Avedon. James Baldwin and Avedon were in high school together, and decades ago did the book together. Now Baldwin's text has been printed separately, and it is as fresh and pertinent today as it was back then. His take on American culture rings true now, and his fearless speaking of the truth is shocking today. All the books I've been reading by Blacks about race issues have enlightened me, but none is as true to the bone as "Nothing Personal". He clearly saw America not as it wanted to be seen, chock full of myths, but as it was and is. And he makes you FEEL what this culture is for black Americans. It's searing prose is like poetry and song, and his ability to synthesize various aspects of our life in this country is nothing short of miraculous. I know I will be picking it up again and again to reread. Right now my daughter-in-law asked to borrow it to read. This is a book everyone should read.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My younger son, grandson and I drove up to visit my older son, his wife and my five year old grandson. The two year old was enchanted with their cat, who graciously allowed the grandson to pat him. The younger grandson fell in love with the older one's toys, then carried a barn fence around and wouldn't give it back. The older one was having trouble sharing, but the struggle was resolved after some explanation about how the younger one was too young to understand much about sharing. That is a lesson that takes many years, and sometimes is never learned at all. We ordered pizza for lunch, and enjoyed their back yard, including eating raspberries, blueberries and strawberries from their bushes. I've gotten wooden raised gardens for each of my grandchildren, and the five year old has snapdragons, strawberries and petunias in his right now. The day was a perfect 75 degrees and we ate on their deck. I've always loved the town in which they live, and lived there myself fifty years ago and my older daughter was born there. I also taught junior college there for many years, commuting from here. So I am comfortable with the area and it's a little like coming home every time I'm up there.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I went to Nordstrom Rack just to drive the car and have a goal. I felt very disoriented when I entered, and the merchandise had been reorganized. At first I couldn't find the kids section, but it had been moved to the other side of the store. I didn't see racks of Eileen Fisher or Lucky Brand, which I enjoy perusing. The underwear was moved as well, but I found the brand I always buy there and picked up a bra and two pants. Then I looked for hair assessories, but had to settle for pink elastic bands. There were no normal ones. I grabbed shorts for the little grandsons and a straw hat that was $17 and quit. It felt like a Twilight Zone episode to be in a store, masked, with only one or two other customers. But I'm glad I took the plunge. The best item was two waterworks painting books for toddlers. My grandsons love them. I picked dinosaurs and undersea themed ones. Now I'm home recovering from the shock of being out on a completely non-essential outing. Driving and shopping for no reason. I'm proud of myself.