Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My granddaughter did a FaceTime interview with me today.  She was doing it for a class and she asked 3 questions:  What was the craziest experience I'd had in my life, What was the scariest experience I'd ever had, and to tell a story about one of her aunts or uncles.  I was madly censoring, knowing I was not going to answer these queries with something inappropriate for a twelve year old.  The first was hard, but I settled on describing how her mother and I were taking a train from Mysore to Bangalore in India, and how the train stopped, everyone got out, we tried to find out what was going on and eventually found someone who told us a train ahead had derailed and it would be eleven hours or two days before we got moving again.  We followed strangers down a dusty road, and came to a bus stop.  Every time we tried to get on a bus a crowd pushed us aside.  After three buses had denied us, a family took pity on us and harangued people to let us on.  We got on.  My daughter was at the window, I in the middle and an elderly Muslim man on the isle.  He kept trying to touch my breasts so I elbowed him really hard until he stopped.  The little girl behind us began vomiting, and opened her window and it flew towards our window and my daughter shut it, but the vomit smeared the window so we couldn't see out.  We made it to Bangalore, rushed out of the station and took a taxi and made our flight to Mumbai because it was an hour late. 
Another time I'll tell you the other two answers.  I'm tired!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a beautiful conversation yesterday with one of my older daughter's childhood friends, talking about the pain of losing her and also not being with her, as this friend lives in a different state.  Then today my daughter called and described how she is feeling and that maybe the end will be soon, and we discussed how that might look and agreed that when my husband and I come we can take it one day at a time.  She is going to talk to her nurses and see if there are any options left, but if this newest pain medication switch is not more helpful, she is ready to let go.  My job is to support and witness her journey, and not place any obstacles of my own ego in her way.  I may not be ready to let her go, but this is not about me.  Her courage and tenderness is inspiring, and I hope I will be what she needs.  I know I'm going to try my best.  Listening to my Buddhist teacher's livestream this morning gives me focus and attention on the opening of the heart.  I will strive to keep my heart open and defenseless during this time of letting go.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I watched "The Contender" last night, and tears rolled down my cheeks.  Right now a woman as Vice President or President seems further away than it did at the time the movie came out.  And even that film was not daring.  The character's nomination for VP happened because the current VP died and the President could nominate a replacement until the end of his term in office, with only a committee needing to approve.  The script didn't dare allow her on a ticket.  Walter Mondale and John MacCain tried, and look where that got them.  With all the misogyny floating around right now, I fear Biden may be doomed as well.  It's bad enough some men hate women but women hating themselves and not fighting for their daughters and granddaughters?  I just don't get it.  It was nice to see the fairy tale of a movie, but not encouraging enough.  I'm hoping enough people will vote to champion equality of the sexes, and I'll do what I can.  But we're still bruised from Hilary's loss.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It's sunny today and I'm determined to be in a better mood.  After all, being in a sad mood yesterday did nothing to improve my life or those I'm worried about or even the Nation.  It's amazing how inconsequential my thoughts and feelings are in the larger scheme of things.  I believe I've noticed it before.  Something bigger is afoot.  The universe, the changing of all our cells, our earth, the universe.  I'm a part of it, but just a speck.  Being a speck leaves me with responsibilities but not real power.  I wish our president had perspective, but to him he is the world, and everything else a speck.  Not a healthy or wholesome point of view.  So I prefer to see myself as the speck, essential for a brief shining moment perhaps, but if not, A LEAST I"M A PART OF SOMETHING GLORIOUS AND MYSTERIOUS AND WONDERFUL.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm feeling sorrowful today.  Thinking about all the suffering going on around the world and the unknown future, I feel useless.  I like to tackle things, but I'm too old, not skilled in medicine or research, and having empathy seems paltry.  I pray, I try to keep focused on my blessings and they are many, but today I was just down.  I see this discouragement in people on the street when I walk, with even my grandkids.  We are resilient, but there is no blueprint for how to cope with this isolation and uncertainty.  My husband researched today about the 1918 pandemic, and what he told me scared me more than I already was:  there were three waves of the flu, and the second was more devastating than the first.  First wave in spring, second in fall, third in winter.  I hope a hundred years later we have more tools in our toolbox to fight this menace, but our lack of leadership has killed many and we have no handle on how to fight this virus.  So we need to pray for science to guide us to treat those infected more skillfully and be preventative, which so far has not been well organized.  I wonder when or if we will listen to them and be guided.  I hope so.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I wasa crazy busy today helping my daughter out with her two boys, then rushing home to take care of my son's one year old.  Luckily, both experiences went smoothly, and I take such delight in the children.  It also keeps my mind off worrying about my older daughter, who is now trying to switch medications, which is risky and painful.  My prayers may be helpful, but imagining scenarios is not.  Don't know is also the way I handle the coronavirus news, because there is no consensus and the theories are confusing.  We don't have enough information, which is why we should be cautious.  But the will power to be cautious is eroding, and governors and officials won't be able to persuade people as well as they did in the beginning.  I pray for sanity and reason, but a lot of impulse and fear is driving people.  I understand, but we only thought we had any control over our lives.  We really never did.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today is my daughter's official book launch.  But, of course, no readings, no tours, and readers have to make a determined effort to buy it.  Luckily, she's had a lot of radio interviews and podcasts already, and quite a bit of press.  Hopefully new reviews will keep coming, and she can bask in those.  I genuinely think it's a terrific read, plus the bonus of seeing a different perspective, and insight into what children of immigrants struggle with as they grow and mature.  I'm proud of her talent and determination, and she's now out in the world forever.  A book is hard.  I had one published many years ago, and I wasn't prepared for the struggle, the moxie it took to promote it, and, in my case, the fact that it sold few copies.  My agent had thought it would be a TV mini series, but she was wrong.  I'm still grateful for the experience, but though I've written half a dozen drafts of novels and a memoir, I haven't been thick skinned enough to put them out in the world.  Thank goodness my daughter is tougher, has an amazing editor and publisher, and is in tune with the current zeitgeist.  This is a really special day.