Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I saw the mayor of Portland was asking that two alt right rallies be canceled in the wake of the murders of two men defending two young Muslim women.  The ACLU is insisting the rallies take place due to the guarantee of free speech.  I'm finding myself on the side of the mayor, who doesn't want more bloodshed or excuses for violence in the city.  It seems that the purpose of these alt right people is to try to be as provoking as possible to incite violence.  If the officials of the city cannot protect their citizens then this becomes a dangerous and harmful situation.  The alt right picks cities that have a liberal bent, like Portland and Berkeley,  to stage confrontations.  The "actors" and I do mean actors, are purposefully causing a fracas to lure media coverage.  Some of these people possess criminal intent and don't belong to or represent the populace of the city.  If there is a chance that innocent people will be hurt or killed, then the gathering should not take place.  Would it help if our president condemned the violence?  I'm not sure it matters, though the moral thing to do would be to disown these fringe people.  They are in it for anarchy, and free speech is a smoke screen.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Boy, is it hard to detach and not take sides.  If neither side is mine, I at least know to stay out of it.  Because this is not a police procedural mystery, this is life.  And in life, speech is murky, and intonation and expression are game changers.  I do not see myself as Solomon, and anyway, I do not think Solomon made a wise choice.  Lots of people want to be judge and jury:  they're in the newspapers every single day.  But I do not.  The several times I've served on a jury I felt uncomfortable.  In one case, the prosecutor did such a lousy job that a perpetrator got off.  Another time, the accused had a terrible defense team.  He was guilty, but his life was going to be ruined because he was a target:  a Hispanic in a beat up truck.  He harmed no one.  So I don't have confidence in the system.  When I worked in safehouses, lawyers used to subpoena us to prove the battered women was an unfit mother and didn't deserve custody of the kids because she'd been in a safehouse.  Never mind the husband had broken her arm and scared the children.  Truth is murky and hard to discern.  I'm still working on my own truths, and have no qualifications to judge others'.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

As I get older I become more quiet.  I listen, but often I don't respond, at least not beyond paraphrasing what the other person has said.  I don't want to engage in debate, and have no desire to convince someone else of my point of view.  I'm okay now with people seeing the world differently, and know that all reality is subjective.  So I'm not as passionate, especially if I can see another side of an issue.  I'm still an enthusiast for certain operas or books or music, and if the other person is interested, can describe in great detail why that book affected me so deeply.  But that is about explaining who I am, not demanding that the other agree.  And I have to trust that person, really trust him or her, to even put out that energy.  I'm more comfortable in my own skin these days, which is strange and new, but welcome.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I made a suggestion yesterday that turned out well.  My daughter had wanted to get away for Memorial Day weekend, and couldn't book reservations where she wanted to go on the coast.  I said go up to our cabin.  Your father has opened it up.  She was doubtful, but her husband became enthusiastic.  So last night they drove the three hours with the baby asleep in the carseat and their dying cat along for the ride.  She called this morning and she and the baby were on the deck looking at the trees, his favorite thing.  The weather is better there and the lake is up and the air fresh.  She's away, and will feel refreshed when she returns.  Usually I hold my tongue, but I'm glad I didn't this time.  My daughter had kind of forgotten that the cabin is there, and everytime we go up we realize how lucky we are to have it.  Ancient trees, mountains, a crystal clear lake:  what's not to like?  I feel happy that they are enjoying the first taste of summer. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm in a bind.  There is only a week and a half this summer that we have plans to go away, and that week has been when everyone wants to do something with us.  I thought I'd explained it all to all my kids, but now I'm going to be losing and opportunity to see my granddaughter.  You'd think something could be worked out, but the kids have their plans and they definitely clash with this trip we're taking.  I've got to let go of magically somehow making things work out.  This is beyond my superpowers!  I've been perhaps over responsible in the past, and I find it torture to say no to my kids, but slowly I'm learning that I can't orchestrate this family any more.  They are way grown, and I'm no longer in charge of anything.  But the familiar guilt hits me anyway, reasonable or not.  Same old, same old.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've been composing little poems about my grandchildren and some friends in the writing group are urging me to collect them into a little chapbook.  I never had the intention of doing the poems, they just reflected what was on my mind.  But now I'm listening to the advice and thinking it would be a lovely thing to do for the children so that when I'm gone they'll know what my experience of them was when they were young.  This grandparent thing is amazing and tricky; like balancing on a high beam.  It is also joyful and profound.  Through the grandchildren I've seen again my children, their parents, and also myself as a child and my parents.  The memories resurge and the interpretation is new.  I've been given an opportunity to see a grander scale of life, and how complex families are.  I appreciate these new insights, and my perspective has widened as a result.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Tonight is my writing group, and it has been the site of much right speech.  Truth is told both in our discussions and with the pieces we write.  Safety makes this possible.  We trust each other with what we say and write and do not share any of it with others.  This week I was tempted to share with my husband some news that was in a piece by one of the participants, who is also a close family friend.  But I resisted, because it wasn't the agreement.  Tonight I'll ask her if I may share the news, and if she agrees, I'll tell him.  But this is about something informational, not deep, or about feelings.  Women sometimes have a tough time keeping stuff private.  I've learned that the hard way.  But this group is tested and true, and I know I can be myself when I speak and in what I write.  It's a safe haven.